As the weeks go by, I find these likely fellows fall into categories….                    1….. guys that are pushing 80, or already there, and very sweet and  very lonely, and I find myself feeling really badly for them.    Not bad enough to make a move, but it is beginning to make me sad how many lonely people are out there.

These guys offer such delights as :  “I have Lots of movies”  or “I like to go Out for lunch” or “Looking for a lady who is Neat and Clean”  or “My cat rules the roost” or “Looking for someone who can walk….”                                                             ……Oh sorry, that was “Take Walks”.

2….. This category is an interesting one.  There are a bunch of guys in their 50s, who frequently post a site with No Photo, or just one studio quality pic, and where it asks to say something about yourself, they write something clever like “email me”….                                                                                 What the heck?  Then I think…. Hmmmm… these guys are approaching  older women, and somehow I get the feeling that these yunguns are looking for gratitudinous babes…..                                                                                             You know what they say about how great it is being with an older woman…? Answer:  they’re so grateful.   Dontcha love it?

3….. Players.  These are Professionals, ones that have been there a while, and likely will Be there for a while, and they know their stuff.                                 They’ve been around the block.                                                                                 They know the ins and outs and ups and downs, and they move quick…         I know how that sounded, but actually, that too.  Having come up against a couple of these, literally I might add, they’re looking for Instant Intimacy.            No time to waste.

That reminds me….. I’ll get back to the list in a minute( or next week) but my First and Only Actual Date so far was one of  the  Number 3 Variety.

He sent a Flirt.  That generally consists of some very cliché happy face dude, or a heart beating, something that you won’t mistake for original, and says basically…..

I Like You….   Noncommittal, but an opener.  Not looking for rejection actually, just feeling it out…. So to speak.  Ewwwww…..

So we email a couple yaks, then he instant messages me, and since I’ve had a glass of wine, this quickly moves to “wanna call me?…..Right now?” zone.

He does, we do, and before I know it, I have a date with someone who           is coming to My place, meeting at a public spot, it’s for early in day and I suggest we can go for a walk at the wetlands (heaven), and we laugh a lot and agree on a few stupid things in life, leading me to believe there might be chemistry.  He actually got to a place where he was laughingly suggesting that he could bring me coffee in the morning, and as soon as my tone changed, he agreed that the afternoon public meeting was much safer.    Hmmmmm…

He calls the morning of, and is sick.  I suggest he might be nervous, as it’s his stomach, but you know guys…. Naaaaa.   Later that day, he’s feeling fine, and ‘can I still come….?’   That was Come…   Ewwwwww…

Ok, I guess…. But it will be evening, and we all know where That leads, and     I’m just not ready to even Think about that one.   Ewwwww….                     This just isn’t how I’m used to meeting guys…..

So I’m sitting in my car on the street, the meeting place (a wine bar) is closed, and I’m wondering where the hell we’re going with this.  I mean, it won’t be long before it’s getting dark, and what can you do in a small town on a Tuesday night, and…..

A car turns around the corner, and pulls over.  He looks at me and raises his eyebrows, making big eyes.  I smile….

As he gets out on the street and does the lock the car thing, well  I’m struck  …. Hmmmm  I thought he said Good Looking.  Oh well….. Athletic?  Hmmmm…. Well…? …under the clothes maybe, it is Oregon after all, but speaking of clothes….. well….?    he certainly didn’t make an effort in that department.  Shabby chic?

Nope…., dirty shoes, looks like he slept in those pants.  Maybe he’s just confident.

He walks straight to me, and plants a big fat kiss on my unsuspecting mouth, before the thought even crossed my wide eyed mind.   I sort of gasp I think, definitely there’s an in-breath…..instinctively pull back, and smile sheepishly, with a dash of shocked.   What the…..?

So then we’re walking and he is saying how my pictures didn’t do me justice, how I’m a “Doll”…..and “can I touch your hair?”, as he eagerly strokes my head.

Touch touch touch….. he goes.  I’m not ready for this, but we’re walking fast up the street, looking for the next place to sit and wine and talk.

Well, the guy never took his hands off me.  Sometimes Unsubtle enough          that I had to like….move his hand….!       Really!      I was sort of a combo confused/amused/miffed.

Yet I liked him, we laughed a lot, and I let him pay, having read that guys Like to do that.  Ok, I can digit, that part at least.

After glasses of wine and a shared sandwich, and a couple hours, we     stumble out, and I suggest that before his 2 hour drive, perhaps he can drop by my humble abode (I’m not exaggerating here) .   I’m thinking …. Hmmm lots of laughs, apparent agreement on many things like music and politics, and humor, which is super important.

He follows me like a dog after the hot bitch swinging her tail, and we “hang out” for a few.  He Loves my Air Stream, has lived on a boat long time, all that BS, and then he gets up and leaves, and a little abruptly.

I’m left thinking….well, he’s not that good looking at all, he dresses like shit, his hair is gray, not brown, and he’s not what I’d call athletic, but…..

He knows wine, he has a good and interesting job, he is obviously Crazy about me, and he’s earthy, which I like (although when he walked into the ladies room without a knock, and took a stall, laughing something about    the men’s room being closed, my Body cringed, and I’m no prude).

Still I go to sleep giving him a warmish Hmmmmmm…..sort of a C+

Morning brings the thought that, well…. We could have fun.  I’m not especially turned On by him, but that could grow….   Being touched is nice, even though he was a little Early on that one…

The email……….How nice!  the morning-after call.

“I had a great time last nite.  However (is that like But..?)  I have decided not to Pursue you.  “  and then the basic ‘have a nice life’ thing.

What?  You’ve Got to be kidding.  No fucking way.  He’s someone I would not pick up on at the bar…. He’s lucky to have Touched me.  And What..?  not Pursue me?

Well, after a couple what-the-fuck emails, turns out something I said set        him off, even though at the time he had joined in and chatted, (chicken shit) and now it seems I have offended him, and he recommends that in the future I keep that sort of thought to myself, and not offend the next guy. ……….. What?   Exsqueeeze me?

Oh well….. it fades fast, and I’m left feeling pretty sure that he was and Is a Player big time…. Sniffin out the hungries, lookin for a snack.   Wanting Something I call Instant Intimacy.

What I had brought up was in the form of a Question…. And because my girlfriend and I were talking about it just that day, I asked him if he thought guys didn’t really value what comes too easily.  I’m talking sex here, because my friend and I compared notes about having round heels, and seeing no reason to play games, and wondering later why we weren’t taken seriously in the long run.

So granted, he’d had a couple glasses of wine (I’d had one), but he seemed   at the time to just sit there and discuss this issue with the sort of detachment that I was handing out.  Certainly not directed at Him, just wanting to see how guys thought…  And he had Agreed with me! But in the     morning, as he remembered it, I had Said that a guy has to Work for it.            Hmmmmm…..

Later that day it dawned on me.  He knew he wasn’t gonna get it right away, and just moved on.  All that fawning…..All goal oriented.

Yup….. and bet he’s got more than three going already.  An easy go lucky guy with a job, and a motorcycle…. Oh, and mentioned he played drums and bass in a band… (a band that doesn’t perform I later learned), and oh ya…. One more little detail that lingered on my tongue, like camembert cheese….. he’s got a Masters in Psychology…..

Can you spell PLAYER….?