Been doing the Flashback Dance this morning… tuned Pandora
to Buffalo Springfield, cause i love those boys, and Voila!
I was transported to my past and the glory days of the sixties.
Amongst the many varied offerings, This one stood
Strong and True…….. and Timely…
Sometimes, in perilous eras and with anguishing hearts,
we Forget. It Will fall together, come up correctly, and,
as a friend sang to me his song, these words,
just for me, long long ago…
“It’ll be alright… it’ll be alright…
it’ll Beee Aaallll Riiiight”…………
And it Will……… just meditate on this Heavenly message,
brought to you through these Heavenly Messengers.
People…. people who need people…… groan.
I’ll never forget the first time i heard that song
sung the way it Should be sung…. by Martin Mull.
Straight faced and with great sincerity, he mocked
his way through this sappy little song, and i never
heard it the same, ever again.
I have traveled through people all my life. I’ve
made a study of people in every way possible.
It’s my opinion that people are like garlic… some
like it, some don’t… there are dishes that require it,
and ones that will ruin your love of tapioca pudding
forever. And there are times when No Garlic at all
is the wisest path to happiness.
I guess i see them as in my high school science class.
I observe, take notes, compare, and sometimes even
get a good grade. But i go home and watch a good film.
The amazing thing about people that is Not like garlic
is, they are each and every one soooo different.
I’ve met, known and loved uncountables in my many
decades of life, yet i just keep meeting ones that are in
every way possible… unique. That’s very weird.
I mean, how can that be? Does that really mean that
all those sow bugs that i find under my lettuce pots
are each and every one unique? I mean, if people,
why not sow bugs? daisies? clouds?
Now. Yes now is a new now. A now i have not known
for a while. I spread out. I contemplate. I realize how
completely roped in, restricted, limited, restrained…
I have chosen to be. Chosen……
Because it’s a Choice… all of it.
Because i am not a victim…
Not of circumstance… nor happenstance… nor accident.
I have chosen to limit myself for a good long time now,
so as to build up a sort of Head of Steam….
a percolation of contemplation,
a pause in the movement …
a waiting for the opening Gate
that finally says ….Go….
And to burst forth…. hesitantly, yes…. sleepily and
with questioning eye… a little at a time… yet
with a slow awakened realization that here i am…
i am where i want to be, where i have chosen to be, where
i might do the things that must be done now… Now.
It’s the Nowness of the moment that is flashing in my sight.
The realization of choice, of magnetic attraction, of
the coming of what is to Be….. Now.
When i started this blog, it was years ago and miles from
where i am now. So many years, so many chapters of a
life that insists on taking the curves in the road, and being
sure to check out where those forks might lead, before
setting out again with my good hiking shoes on.
It began when dating sites yielded some provocative mind
stirrings, and i discovered there were only so many reasons
why anyone was there… including me. Loneliness, horniness,
ego reflection, fantasy, and lots of chamophlage. Meeting
someone who presents himself as tall dark and athletic, and
ending up on a date with a medium and balding guy with
a belly, did indeed get me thinking.
I’m not particularly cynical but after a few months i realized
that i really didn’t Want someone badly enough to go
through all the emails, all the flirts and pokes and winks,
all the coy replies and strange deserts of pauses…only to
confront the struggle of digging out who this person
But….. good fodder for a writer! You can read about it
by choosing ‘internet dating’ on this site…
And thus ……..Notes from the Love Wars…….began.
Stirring up the juices percolating inside is a necessary part
of really writing, really touching on things universal, really
sharing of one’s soul thoughts. It came in stages, but
little by little, i was coaxing out my own love wars, my own
personal battle out there in the world of the heart.
There are stories within stories, and for a while i got lost
in an Excellent one, a Super Duper Love story that goes
on to this day, and from Thirty years ago!
But it has grown into a King Kong, a Godzilla,
a Giant Blob of a story, so now it’s a book in the making,
with new chapters every week.
And it’s Good…..yer gonna Love it.
But right now, here and Now… it’s all about me… yup…me.
Now i think about where i went, and where i want to go
from here. I want this to be about my journey Now….
and so comes the commitment once again… to Write.
What is Home? a Place…. a Person… a Memory?
To each is the answer, their own answer, an ever changing
or Never changing entity to pin your heart on.
I have found a Home… it perhaps is not a forever thing,
and then again, we never know, do we….
I do have other Homes in my heart, and now,
One special person
lives there forever …
He has become a home for me to go to.
So….One lives inside me, and for now, the other One,
the One that I shall live IN… has arrived.
The European/Mediterranean style white wash, with arches
and red terra tiles stands secluded on a wooded hillside, with
decks and walks, entry elegance and winding staircase.
Space……….. windows……. and quiet freedom.
Nestled above the fogline, the summers will bring a welcome
warm, and windows filled with ocean and sky.
Places to work, and lots of time alone. Alone!
The gentleman owner lives there sporatically, most of the
time traveling and working. When he’s there, I have a large
private room and work spaces to myself.
Yes…….. after long looks, months of askings and
nights filled with worry and wonderings.
I move next weekend.
I am sooooooooooooo happy.
Thank you All for your help and so many good wishes.
I would imagine that pictures are to follow!
Here’s Alcir on his Birth Day last year, treating Himself
and Himself alone, to all the things he enjoys most…
…well, Nearly all the things… February 14, 2015…
and making a Video to share and commemorate.
He’s on his Boat in Norway…. named? “My Way”…!
Notice Two Mugs on his celebration table….
One is for his favorite Futebol (soccer) team, and
the Other is something I gave him years ago… Point Arena!
oh… and wait… are those the vintage Raybans I gave him?
……He started emailing me 2 weeks later.
The above pic is recent, growing his hair again,
and loosing 30 pounds!
So! where would you like me to go from here,
Shall I return to 2006 Rio, and ever so softly and
gently begin to describe the ups and downs of
that six month visit? For that is where i left off
quite some time ago. I suppose it must be dealt
with, yet it really sounds like work to me.
Or perhaps moving forward would be appropriate,
beginning to share some of the delightful stuff
that has surfaced during this year of Contact…
I do have one tasty morsel for you… one that I find
terribly touching, and more than enormously
rewarding…. shall i start there?
As we began our Skype sharing, and after that first
bizarre encounter, when we just sat and stared at
eachother …. so Other it was…
…and after a myriad of catching ups and apologies,
he was kind enough to tell me about himself and
his vast changes.
I know that men also go through deep changes as
they age, that testosterone backs off and more
tender places emerge. And I could detect a much
more than subtle nuance within this man.
But it seems that during these years apart, he had
been reading what i was writing, with all it’s blatant
honesty, the positives and the negatives about this
convoluted man….absorbing the life from another
perspective, and he told me ……..
….”You have made me a better man.”
He had begun to understand so much as he followed
the descriptions of my sadness and his cruelty, as
well as my clear understanding of Who he Really was.
He realized I Saw him, all of him.
He waited, he said, until the anger subsided…. until
he felt he could approach me again.
” I just want Peace now,” he said.
” I don’t want Violence any more. I’m Done with
Violence……….I just want Peace in my life”
I have let that sit within my soul for a while now.
Makes me feel such goodness about writing!