Ok, so I Have to tell you something…. today, I received my First…. Note this please…. My First Response from a someone, a male someone, who was blasted into my email as MY NEW MATCH.

But before I go any further, let me remind you that if you’re still reading this on your email page, I encourage you to go to my site, because the version there is ever-so-much more sexy…. and now I continue….

See… I listed my ideals as guys from 50 to 60, as I’m a bit tired of the older set…they’re cute, they’re adoring, and goodness knows they’re needy and willing to say just about anything, but I’m just not ready to settle down into playing cards and helping him remember to take his pills quite yet.

I have Always found younger guys everso much more fun and interesting, challenging and well…sexy.  And til I moved to Oregon, it had never been a problem. Oregon is just a little bit different from NorCal… just a wee bit…..

So… this site sends me weekly NEW MATCH links…. And actually, once in a while I find someone interesting.  These tend to be in the fifty to 58 range.

Oh and you’ll Love this:  after the YOUR NEW MATCH, is something akin to SO GO GET HIM.  When they send a YOU HAVE A NEW FLIRT … it says HE PICKED YOU OUT OF THE CROWD…..awwwww…

And when someone FAVORITEs you…. This is the Best one…. DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY…….eeeek!

So although I send a light and airy “Helloooo” and “Check out my Profile”, Not One has responded .  Really. Weird huh.  Especially because the guys who Do the approaching always talk about my picture, and my profile writing.  Oh you could teach a class on writing a profile, one told me.           Oh wait…., but that was the Player guy… forget it.

But really, I’m talking maybe a Dozen interesting active, artistic,  guys. Doing things and out and about.  Cute, somewhat sincere, as much as you can get a sincere vibe from a profile….

Yet not ONE has responded.

So… I go to my deepest recesses… and know what ?  What is the first thing a person reads after the name….. ?  Ready?  Your Age….yes….Name… AGE… and Then where you live.   Age is more important than the fact that you live in Nebraska?

Now when’s the last time you walked into a bar, sat alongside some cute guy and softly whispered in his ear…”Hi big boy…. My name’s  (insert name)…. I’m 68 .     Exactly.   This is SO Lame, I am becoming more irritated by the minute.

And what do You think when you hear of a 68  year old woman?  What comes to mind, please be honest….. uh huh…. Mee toooo….

So this brings me to the discussion of the day…..                                                                                                       AGE.

We are all prejudiced in regards to age.  I am the first to admit it.  It places us in our generation, it tells the world what stage we’re in, it says what we have left, and what we want while we’re here…and maybe where we’re headed.   But…. Does it? No of course not.  As we age, the numbers mean less and less.

I know this, because I have spent time with lots of folks of different ages, and I know first hand that after a while, the number mean little, compared to health, attitude, habits, the past, and let’s not forget education, life experience and genetics.  And these differences increase exponentially as the years add up.  We are so different, and numbers just don’t tell it, baby, not at all.

There’s a reason for the word Ageless…. Because ideally, that’s where life leads one, to a place where you’re just a person, seen first as the energy ball you are, and then later there might be a semblance of… oh ya… wait… how old do you think she is?

Think Eartha Kitt….. think Harry Belafonte…. James Earl Jones….. there are certain people that just Are.   Even Sean Connery, who’s getting pretty grampy  these days.  And yet even back a ways, Hollywood could still cast him opposite Michelle Pfeiffer…. I think she was like 25, and he was …. Oh….maybe 70?  It was completely ridiculous, but they still got away with it because he has that Thing, that age defying agelessness Thing that has more to do with energy than anything.  Well, the good looks and great voice and cute accent help too,…..

I remember my beloved grandmother, who one day while she was pulling up her girdle, tucking all her roundness into this giant rubber band…. She said     “I know I look like a funny old lady on the outside, but inside I’m still a girl.”

I never forgot that …..(obviously)……, that image of her struggling with controlling her body so she was presentable to the world, and so intimately sharing this with me at the same time.  What a touching moment, made even more so by my present station as grandma to six budding beings who look to me, and at me, each in their own way.

I remember her saying “Oh Carol, don’t ever get fat, and have to wear one of these things”, and I remember thinking “Uh…..don’t worry…I don’t care how fat I get, I’m Never gonna wear one of Those things”.

I think she’d be proud of me now, of the kind of grandma I am, barefooted and independent, making popcorn and discussing films with my grandson, playing dice with my granddaughter and dressing her up in my clothes for her Austin Powers party.

So all this leads to the beginning, which started off with crowing…. Yes, crowing that one interesting fellow had actually gone past the age barrier, and checked me out.

We had an extraordinary conversation for over an hour, and at some point we may even meet.

There’s always hope.  Meanwhile, I still get Flirts, and Come check me outs, and I may write you next week with another weird story about just one more stranger who will remain so.  But for now, things look just a little brighter.

So I’ve been wondering what it’s like on the other side.  Are the guys having similar experiences as we women are?  Do the girls fall into types, and if so, what Are those types?  Do women disappear on them without a trace, note or email?  Do they lie about their hair, or send 10, 20 year old pictures?                                                                                                                                                                  Human nature being what it is, I suspect it is similar on the other side, but my curiosity is such that I am actually tempted to use some friend’s picture, and pose as a burly fellow, just so I can peruse the stack of women offering themselves to the love gods…

Things have been moving right along with the search, and I have actually found a couple three guys who I can actually Talk with.  Surprised?                   Why hasn’t she shared this with us, the clamoring crowd calls out.  Well,         all in good time my dears.  Remember, we are going sort of chronologically, and I’m not done with my stupid little stories that have stacked up on my brain particles.  I do upon occasion, jump out of context, and you’ll just have to get used to it.  And another thing:  I’m in charge, so don’t get all steamed up here….. we’ll get there when I’m ready.   At least there’s one place in my life where I can say that.

So these guys who somehow know how to talk…. These fellows who are able to put more than three words together, and who have a sense of humor about the whole thing………at least one is willing to chat endlessly on the phone, and He is willing to share stories.  The other two, well they aren’t doing the phone thing yet, and one has only been on the site for three weeks.  But he’s super chatty sharing, (and he can’t believe I’m my age, thinks I’m gorgeous, and ‘would date me in a New York minute’, yes that’s a quote…..  I liked him Immediately. Oh, and he lives 2000 miles away, so it’s Very Safe..) ….but eventually we may hit pay dirt.  He’s also younger and super cute, so I suspect the women will be off the chart hitting on him.

The third one I’m meeting soon, for the third time (no, it’s not serious, but a nice trustworthy friend), and I plan to pick his brain cavities as much as he’ll let me.  He’s very sweet, and has no fear of being candid, so…… we’ll see what he’s willing to part with.

So now I begin my quest to find out some of their experiences.  Don’t you think that will be fun?  …eavesdropping on the girlfriends, and find out their methods and escapes.  Oh ya…. One thing I’m wondering is if the women are aggressive.  I know they Can be…I know they Can be competitive and a bit Gamey…I’m just curious on how they do their deeds.                                     Since eyelash batting and hair tossing isn’t really in context on the ethers, just What do they do to gain attention, stand out from the crowd, and ‘set the hook’ as a rather mercenary friend of mine once chirped.  See what I mean?  They even use guy terminologies…….

Once, coming upon another friend all decked out and swingin it on the dance floor, she flat out stated…” I’m trolling…”.

So there ya go.  It’s off to take notes with the boys,  and since these three are such different types … I mean Really different….. I’m thinking this could be very interesting….

As a couple of very famous fellows once said…. “I’ll be back…”

Back to chronology I go, and please remember Dear Reader, I often jump around.  I promise to keep you informed of where you are with me today, so that you don’t get too hopelessly lost in my brain pockets.

After the first few look-throughs, a guy came along that seemed rather interesting.  He was a lawyer, did pro bono work, used to be a radical, had pictures of Picasso line drawing prints on the wall behind him.  Sparce minimalistic spaces, but hey, it’s likely his office.  He’s slender, looks sweet, a Nam Vet (hmmmm…but it’s my generation) and when I look at the pics in uniform, he has this body language that looks sorta soft and a little beaten.

I ignore this.  He was probably tired that day….

We begin writing little notes, and he is smart and well intended, and soon I see he’s ‘Favorite’ –ed me.  That means I go in a special file for him, and a special file for me too, and I get a notice.

It’s my first one!  So I favorite him back…..  and I get a **Kiss** in the old In-box.  Hmmmm (sorry, that’s Your mind there)…

So he immediately suggests that I “come on down, I’ll cook”.

Well, that’s cute and all, except that he lives 200 miles away, oh maybe Four hours’ drive…. Not really my cup of tea, thinking about being stranded somewhere at someone’s house I don’t even know, fer cris’ sake.                      My note is short and sweet (really!)…..

Something like:  not in the mood right now to drive four hours, just got off the road from a winter in SoCal and 3 day trek, but it was a sweet idea…. Sort of thing.

And I added…. Hmmmm …..maybe it would be fun to Talk on the Phone or something….?

Never hear from him again.  No, Not Kidding here…….Geeeesh….                       He sure didn’t Look like a Player…..

One time weeks later, there was a quick cautious IM there on my screen….  Oh!  It’s from John…..  he waited maybe five seconds…. And then he was Gone.

Disappearing Acts.  That’s a chapter in itself.  And I do believe it is another Type….. Number 4….      Are they chicken?  Get cold feet?  Change their minds and don’t know how to say it?  Have another chick on the line?  Likely lots of reasons, but No answers, so they all go in the Disappearing File.

The next one was sort of interesting.  He kept pestering me, and frankly I thought he was simple and a little boring.  Likely I was right in the long run.  Often times our first instinct is correct, but I tend to be the “don’t be so bloody judgemental already, give the poor guy a chance” type.   Which is likely one of my major MOs that get me into the predicaments I find myself in.   Rescue, compassion, ‘aww, bring the puppy in from the cold, I have lots of milk’ …sorta state of mind.  …..What…?

So he shows one picture.  Him in the woods with a chain saw.  Now I love manly men, don’t get me wrong.  He’s lookin all burly, all ‘I-can-do-it-all-and-smile-too’ sorta thing, but frankly he didn’t have much to say, so …. What’s one to think?   What ever you want to, I guess…..

The weeks go by, and every now and then there’s a short, brief, (did I say short), email from Michael.  Well that’s his name on the site.  Michael something.

He talks about nature, asks what I mean by Nature is my Church ( uh…I’m thinkin not too complicated, but…)  and when I explain, he says something deep like ‘Duh’, and so then I have to tell him, must fess up to my First and Foremost response, before his persistence wore me down….the chain saw act just doesn’t put across the vibe of the Nature Man.                                                                                       Manly yes, nature no.

Well, this gets him going, and along with mentioning that he’s so So curious about me, and that I’m So pretty (third time), he says he just Got that chain saw, was cutting a felled tree, cleaning a neighbor’s place, blah de blah, and ends up smelling like some really nice herbs, with roses thrown in .                   So, I start paying a little more attention to ‘Michael’, who turns out to be Gary later on, and that’s a nice name too, but I prefer Michael….                         Don’t ask why, just do.

We go to straight emails, and he sends me pics…. Everyday…. Pics of the House he built, tales of the houses and lands and businesses …. One was a Health food store…. That’s hopeful…..  and I think well, hell, this is a man of substance.  Maybe not a lot of words, but here he is with thirty some odd acres, a house he built with 3 bedrooms….. it’s really cute with the front porch and timber supports, and that cabin-y feel….  And I can see myself moving down there (yes, it’s south, and anything south appeals to this NW Oregon girl), and near some really fab towns like Ashland, and a day’s drive from the NorCal coast, and sheeee-it.                                                                                I could have my own room, put flowers on the porch in big pots, start a nice garden that I’m sure he would plough for me…..Sounds like a possibility.

He can Perform.  He sends pics of him on a bike, scarf tied around back like a biker, and pics with his buddies, and he looks like a big cuddly bear guy, which I have soft places for.

And he LOVES my writing…. Keeps sayin that…. Loves my writing……                                            oh tell me more baby….

He tells me he’s ADD/ADHD, and I respond No Prob, because actually, I understand them pretty darned well.  Lots of friends of mine, and my brother too.   They are just with special ways and powers, and are usually brilliant, so I actually enjoy their brand of brain chemistry….  One thing for sure…. They’re not boring.

One problem.  As the weeks go by, the conversations usually go like this:    Today I blah blah, got this done, took a nap, beautiful evening, we could sit on the porch and tell eachother stories.

Ok…. I can dig it.  But a little romance, some talk about Something, Tell me some stories, and a little impressing me first, please, before we settle into Ma and Pa Kettle-land.   In case you, my Dear Readers, do not Grok this reference, they were a series of movies back in the forties, a bit comedic and slapsticky, the ole down-home-cookin-flapjacks-on-the-griddle, chase the chicken outside sort of genre films that my Dad really enjoyed.                     And Grok?  Well, read Stranger From a Strange Land.

I’m getting bored.  My problem, but I’m being honest here……. Bored……..  I suspect this guy is best served Warm and in person.  And I truly wish I could just transport myself down there, and feel an afternoon with him, check out the lay of the land, see what’s possible with this fellow…. Acreage and large cabin-y house, with a guy who can build things sounds really nice about now…. but it’s down to the State Line, about 6 (at least) hours away.

So I say Hey!  How bout we move this ( insert the R word ) to the next level, and you give me a call.  Wouldn’t it be fun to talk a little?   I include my number.

The next email is typical chatty in three lines.  It’s cute and winsome…. turquoise dolfins swim in the background……But he does not address the Question/Suggestion.

My next email…Hey!  why not give me yer phone, and I’ll call You sometime…. And I said something light and silly about maybe him having a girly voice and I don’t care ..haha..  Whatever….sorta thing…..                             Next email….. blah de blah….  Nada.

So I left it.  And apparently he did too.  Maybe some chicky grabbed him up, what him with a house and property.  You know how those women folk can be.  They’re downright aggressive, if you know what I mean….. I’m not, at least anymore.  I let things ride, let them percolate, mellow yellow.    And he being a man of little words, couldn’t just come the fuck out and just Say it.  Whatever it was…..?  was he intimidated by my wordliness?  Did the very thing he said he Liked now Intimidate Him?

A few weeks later, I am curious, and also a little bummed that I can’t fantasize about going down to near the NorCal state line and checking out this possibility for this very woodsy woman here, that really, truly wants to go back to the woods.   So I drop an email to this Gary-Michael guy.

“Hey there”, I say. “You sorta just dropped off the planet there, and I was just wondering if there was something I said or didn’t say, or if some new girlie grabbed you up, or what ever.  Just wondering what the reason might be that I haven’t heard from you in so long…”

The answer came very immediately, and in the form of Two emails.

Email 1……   “The Answer is……………..”

Email 2……   “…. there is no Answer…”

Oh Excellent….  Nice……Thank You!……Go figure please…..  Do not understand here ….     For me, a girl, I go…. Does he want me to pursue him?  Does he want me to go away?  Does he not know what he wants?…                              I opt for the latter, and let it go.

So….. mr house and property…… mr lawyer good doer……. All Gonesies.                                  No answers, no goodbyes, no Guts…..

Oh well….. plenty more where they came from, I guess.  Trouble is, I have to read all their stories, and I just want some great hunk to be in front of me as           I believe in serendipity, and I Really Believe in Chemistry.                                       And may I say……….the internet is not Chemistry Conducive…                          Strange, this whole Context, cold and distant, safe yet completely unpredictable.    Anyone can say Anything, Be Anything…                                   ….. and how do you even Begin to Know?

As the weeks go by, I find these likely fellows fall into categories….                    1….. guys that are pushing 80, or already there, and very sweet and  very lonely, and I find myself feeling really badly for them.    Not bad enough to make a move, but it is beginning to make me sad how many lonely people are out there.

These guys offer such delights as :  “I have Lots of movies”  or “I like to go Out for lunch” or “Looking for a lady who is Neat and Clean”  or “My cat rules the roost” or “Looking for someone who can walk….”                                                             ……Oh sorry, that was “Take Walks”.

2….. This category is an interesting one.  There are a bunch of guys in their 50s, who frequently post a site with No Photo, or just one studio quality pic, and where it asks to say something about yourself, they write something clever like “email me”….                                                                                 What the heck?  Then I think…. Hmmmm… these guys are approaching  older women, and somehow I get the feeling that these yunguns are looking for gratitudinous babes…..                                                                                             You know what they say about how great it is being with an older woman…? Answer:  they’re so grateful.   Dontcha love it?

3….. Players.  These are Professionals, ones that have been there a while, and likely will Be there for a while, and they know their stuff.                                 They’ve been around the block.                                                                                 They know the ins and outs and ups and downs, and they move quick…         I know how that sounded, but actually, that too.  Having come up against a couple of these, literally I might add, they’re looking for Instant Intimacy.            No time to waste.

That reminds me….. I’ll get back to the list in a minute( or next week) but my First and Only Actual Date so far was one of  the  Number 3 Variety.

He sent a Flirt.  That generally consists of some very cliché happy face dude, or a heart beating, something that you won’t mistake for original, and says basically…..

I Like You….   Noncommittal, but an opener.  Not looking for rejection actually, just feeling it out…. So to speak.  Ewwwww…..

So we email a couple yaks, then he instant messages me, and since I’ve had a glass of wine, this quickly moves to “wanna call me?…..Right now?” zone.

He does, we do, and before I know it, I have a date with someone who           is coming to My place, meeting at a public spot, it’s for early in day and I suggest we can go for a walk at the wetlands (heaven), and we laugh a lot and agree on a few stupid things in life, leading me to believe there might be chemistry.  He actually got to a place where he was laughingly suggesting that he could bring me coffee in the morning, and as soon as my tone changed, he agreed that the afternoon public meeting was much safer.    Hmmmmm…

He calls the morning of, and is sick.  I suggest he might be nervous, as it’s his stomach, but you know guys…. Naaaaa.   Later that day, he’s feeling fine, and ‘can I still come….?’   That was Come…   Ewwwwww…

Ok, I guess…. But it will be evening, and we all know where That leads, and     I’m just not ready to even Think about that one.   Ewwwww….                     This just isn’t how I’m used to meeting guys…..

So I’m sitting in my car on the street, the meeting place (a wine bar) is closed, and I’m wondering where the hell we’re going with this.  I mean, it won’t be long before it’s getting dark, and what can you do in a small town on a Tuesday night, and…..

A car turns around the corner, and pulls over.  He looks at me and raises his eyebrows, making big eyes.  I smile….

As he gets out on the street and does the lock the car thing, well  I’m struck  …. Hmmmm  I thought he said Good Looking.  Oh well….. Athletic?  Hmmmm…. Well…? …under the clothes maybe, it is Oregon after all, but speaking of clothes….. well….?    he certainly didn’t make an effort in that department.  Shabby chic?

Nope…., dirty shoes, looks like he slept in those pants.  Maybe he’s just confident.

He walks straight to me, and plants a big fat kiss on my unsuspecting mouth, before the thought even crossed my wide eyed mind.   I sort of gasp I think, definitely there’s an in-breath…..instinctively pull back, and smile sheepishly, with a dash of shocked.   What the…..?

So then we’re walking and he is saying how my pictures didn’t do me justice, how I’m a “Doll”…..and “can I touch your hair?”, as he eagerly strokes my head.

Touch touch touch….. he goes.  I’m not ready for this, but we’re walking fast up the street, looking for the next place to sit and wine and talk.

Well, the guy never took his hands off me.  Sometimes Unsubtle enough          that I had to like….move his hand….!       Really!      I was sort of a combo confused/amused/miffed.

Yet I liked him, we laughed a lot, and I let him pay, having read that guys Like to do that.  Ok, I can digit, that part at least.

After glasses of wine and a shared sandwich, and a couple hours, we     stumble out, and I suggest that before his 2 hour drive, perhaps he can drop by my humble abode (I’m not exaggerating here) .   I’m thinking …. Hmmm lots of laughs, apparent agreement on many things like music and politics, and humor, which is super important.

He follows me like a dog after the hot bitch swinging her tail, and we “hang out” for a few.  He Loves my Air Stream, has lived on a boat long time, all that BS, and then he gets up and leaves, and a little abruptly.

I’m left thinking….well, he’s not that good looking at all, he dresses like shit, his hair is gray, not brown, and he’s not what I’d call athletic, but…..

He knows wine, he has a good and interesting job, he is obviously Crazy about me, and he’s earthy, which I like (although when he walked into the ladies room without a knock, and took a stall, laughing something about    the men’s room being closed, my Body cringed, and I’m no prude).

Still I go to sleep giving him a warmish Hmmmmmm…..sort of a C+

Morning brings the thought that, well…. We could have fun.  I’m not especially turned On by him, but that could grow….   Being touched is nice, even though he was a little Early on that one…

The email……….How nice!  the morning-after call.

“I had a great time last nite.  However (is that like But..?)  I have decided not to Pursue you.  “  and then the basic ‘have a nice life’ thing.

What?  You’ve Got to be kidding.  No fucking way.  He’s someone I would not pick up on at the bar…. He’s lucky to have Touched me.  And What..?  not Pursue me?

Well, after a couple what-the-fuck emails, turns out something I said set        him off, even though at the time he had joined in and chatted, (chicken shit) and now it seems I have offended him, and he recommends that in the future I keep that sort of thought to myself, and not offend the next guy. ……….. What?   Exsqueeeze me?

Oh well….. it fades fast, and I’m left feeling pretty sure that he was and Is a Player big time…. Sniffin out the hungries, lookin for a snack.   Wanting Something I call Instant Intimacy.

What I had brought up was in the form of a Question…. And because my girlfriend and I were talking about it just that day, I asked him if he thought guys didn’t really value what comes too easily.  I’m talking sex here, because my friend and I compared notes about having round heels, and seeing no reason to play games, and wondering later why we weren’t taken seriously in the long run.

So granted, he’d had a couple glasses of wine (I’d had one), but he seemed   at the time to just sit there and discuss this issue with the sort of detachment that I was handing out.  Certainly not directed at Him, just wanting to see how guys thought…  And he had Agreed with me! But in the     morning, as he remembered it, I had Said that a guy has to Work for it.            Hmmmmm…..

Later that day it dawned on me.  He knew he wasn’t gonna get it right away, and just moved on.  All that fawning…..All goal oriented.

Yup….. and bet he’s got more than three going already.  An easy go lucky guy with a job, and a motorcycle…. Oh, and mentioned he played drums and bass in a band… (a band that doesn’t perform I later learned), and oh ya…. One more little detail that lingered on my tongue, like camembert cheese….. he’s got a Masters in Psychology…..

Can you spell PLAYER….?