Congratulations…. I knew you could do it…
Congratulations…. I knew you could do it…
I share photographs here, of our trip to Ibicui.
You’ll see images of our drive along the coast, views of
the streets from George and Angela’s home, pictures as
we walked, some shots from The Cachaca Museum, where
they have a collection of every label ever produced,
and G and A’s lovely dog.
Oh, he Loved this joke… and he told it well.
_______________________
This man is shipwrecked, with Sharon Stone.
It’s fabulous, but still he is not happy.
He asks if she will grant him one favor,
as she sees he is not content.
“Please, would you put on a moustache and beard,
and dress yourself as a man?” he asks.
She cannot understand, but agrees to do it
for him, nonetheless.
So here she comes, all made up and dressed
as a guy, and wondering why…
He greets her happily….
“Hello! How are you Doing?” he asks…
“Fine…” she says.
“Oh Good….” he replies….
“And Me?…
Oh…. Well! Very Well!……
….You wouldn’t Believe who I’m fucking!!!”
_________________________
After the daughter went home to mother, it was finally
our time. He wanted to show me the backhills country,
and other sides of Brasil that he loved.
One particularly beloved place was Ibicui (i-bee-quee)
Going south, along the coast a ways, there were small
fishing villages, quiet and quaint, and here we found our
heaven. I remember his saying …
“Oh babe, this is Us…” as we walked down the cobblestone
street to the beach. A vendor pushed a little cart with hot
meat on a stick… a particularly popular food in Brasil.
The Scale of the place was so gentle and human, a certain
ease and slowness that you could deeply sense.
We found a bunch of little blue crabs for sale, sadly blowing
bubbles as they awaited their fate. I couldn’t bear to buy
them, it was just too depressing. Their colors were Art.
We stayed with his old friends, George and Angela…
(ghorrgh and anhella) who had an upstairs home on
the little cross streets, and they walked with us, and
the guys had a great time getting drunk and reminiscing…
Or so I guessed, as once again, it was all in Portuguese.
But they were so sweet, laughing all the time, playing great
music, and it didn’t matter…. I felt very included…
That was especially true, when the boys went to the bar,
and Angela, a giant grin on her face, said the magic word….
“…Caipirinhas!” big smiles back and forth, and I got it that
She wanted to show Me how they were made for Reals,
her style, Brasilian Home style.
She was very proud of her methods…
This is the national Drink, and since we’d come from a visit
to the Cachaca Museum… sort of like a wine tasting bar, with
Cachaca bottles lining the walls, and huge casks in the other
room….I came prepared! You say it ‘kashasa’…
There were all grades and flavors of this strong liquor, made
from the sugar cane. I found that it was similar to Tequila,
with the same differences in hangovers too…. the better the
grade, the better you felt next day.
So after tasting a few, I got us a nice expensive bottle of Brandy,
and it was true.
We got wasted with our Caipirinhas, and I for one felt great
the next day. Ha!
Caipirinhas are made by chopping up fresh limes into very small
pieces, and crushing them with a mortar and pestle, slowing
adding a little sugar, and a little cachaca, alternating them.
You work it and work it, and all the wonderful nuances
of the pulp and peel come out…
Once you get it to the desired taste and blend, and personally
I don’t like mine too sweet…
strain it, pour it over ice, and Drink it! Zowey!!
You can also make Vodka Caipirinhas, if you can’t find Cachaca,
but there’s nothing like the real thing.
The next day we all went to the beach and jumped in the water.
This place is magical, truly. These are 18th century colonial
Portugal fishing villages, along the edges of the bays.
Ibicui is clean, quaint, there is no crime, people eat locally, and
there are dolphins in the bay.
(“Dolphins….it Had to be Dolphins”, and they both snickered)
It is along the same mountain range as Rio, with views of the
village and forest of about 50/50, edged by varietal rainforest
covered hills, and up into the mountains.
Then there are the Angras…. 365 islands scattered along this
coast, and it is a quiet little tourist get away for Brasilians.
They like to say it takes a Year to see them all!
Journal, February 26…
“Ibicui, Mangaratiba county. Paraiso! (pa-ra-ee-sou)
The place was/is perhaps the most perfect place. Surely
there are other such places, where people just walk along
the streets, and swim with their kids, and everywhere
you look, all is PAIX. A peaceful paradise.
Complete comfort, easiness, openness…unreal.
Built on rising levels of ground and winding railroad streets,
it’s all cobblestone, ancient. The strong healthy Rain Forest
within and along this series of communities, matches
approximately the mass of the manmade…
Life and Death, as Alcir was to call it. No doubts that
if left alone, this jungle richness would cover over and
eventually eat up all the buildings. How Lovely.”
“It’s Saturday nite … checking in from Brasil…
Dear diary,”…she wrote as she savored the day’s delights,
and remembered his eyes, in the water, glazed….
…glazed and blissed…..saying it was a new day, and
he was really a new man, and at last he Knew it.
He said he’d call himself Lazarus.
“Lazarus, brought back to life, thanks to…..Me!”
and he spread that wide enveloping grin as he had been
doing a lot of today.
“…and you!” (tenderness moved in like clouds,
soft filtered over primal joy)…
“I could never have gotten here without you.
Why are you becoming so important to me?”
His demeanor had altered today, as he showed her
the small town around the bay.
This day, she thought…has been perhaps the most
perfect day… or the closest to it so far.
Her feeling radiated from a heart and throat chakra,
a pearlescent center, and her entire face radiated with
light and color and hair… She felt it, she used it.
She was Quiet, and from the inside.
“He has joined us today,” she noted to herself.
“There’ll be a lot more power available for us to use,”
and she smiled to herself.
“Your new little egg heart has just cracked open,”
she told him, there in the bay, in the water, after
his dive and swim to her, and she to him.
Swimming to each other, each in their own fashion…
“I love you..” he said, his eyes pouring it over her
like soft molasses, his eyes pounding out
the heart drum of truth.
“I love you… I know that now. You’re going to see
more of the old Alcir that you knew….”
She looked clearly into his radiant eyes. His entire
being glistened with sparkling drops of water and sun.
“Hi,” was her whispered reply, and they kissed…..”
Ayn Rand is not someone I was familiar with.
I had heard of her of course. And I was aware that
her writing was important.
But I never read anything of hers.
“The Passion of Ayn Rand”, brilliantly played by Helen Mirren,
convinced me that I need to start reading, especially since
a core in her writings refers directly to the heroic character
that plays the lead in my book.
“Are you happy?” she asked in the film.
“You’re a heroic being.
It is the moral purpose of your life.
And the man must have the woman who reflects
his deepest vision of himself,
and in her surrender is his deepest happiness…”
“and the woman?” asked her friend.
“…the woman must worship the hero.”
I remember so many years ago, when I’d first known him…
I asked him that very question…
“What do you want?”
“To be happy.”
“What makes you happy?”
“I don’t know”…but still, his soul knew that was his purpose.
And I knew my purpose for him when, without a thought,
I asked …”How’s your spiritual life?”
Love for me has always only felt right with surrender.
And the ultimate high is complete surrender.
How her words struck home.
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient,
consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” said Carrie …
I was dealing with a genius with such high ideals, vast education,
and with the physical prowess and unique gifts to accomplish
whatever it was he came here for. And he knew it.
He knew he had a bigger purpose, and deeply desired to fulfill it.
The feeling that I was there to be the One who really Saw him,
perhaps the first one… and that by my presence I might encourage
and affect the course of this truly heroic being …
Intoxicating.
A purpose beyond me, bigger than me.
Failure never entered my mind, really.
I knew it was bigger than the two.
It was something beyond, that had to be acted out,
in order for some larger picture to coalesce.
There was no doubt. The compelling conviction lingered
much too long to be anything less than something beyond us.
I still don’t know what the effect or purpose was and is,
but I think for now it just can’t be known.
Something shifted, something altered.
But we are not perfect, and our actions were not always perfect…
or perhaps…
Perhaps they were, and it’s just that we can’t see it yet.
Some heroic dance being enacted, imparting a feeling of
eternity for both, a role being played out greater than either,
something beyond the day, the moment,
beyond the persons themselves.
This was and is the conviction of some sort of
ultimate truth between us.
My fulfillment was the part I was playing in bringing out and
seeing clearly his heroic dreams, his path of righteousness,
the pieces in him that were the truth,
the best elements of his very core.
Holding him to the course the true north, embodying that,
as in the Poem he sent to me; this challenged me to a new
height of My truth.
My search for something larger than myself was just that… holding
to that north that was his vision, what he’d been trained for, born for.
And I found two quotes from Ayn that speak to me…
“What is the nature of Love?
Love is a command to rise to one’s highest potential.
The best and noblest vision of ourselves.
Love is a reward. The greatest we can earn.
Granted to us for the moral quality we have achieved in our lives. ”
“My philosophy in essence is the concept of man as a heroic being,
with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life,
with productive achievement as his noblest activity,
and reason as his only absolute.”
……….Ayn Rand
I’m still working on all of it.
Thunder rolled over the favellas, and dogs went crazed.
The sky was a thick paste of grey, and the wind spoke of rain.
She sat on the steps of her boat, her island of sanity in a
world gone crazy. This man was sane. How rare…
Someone brave enough to continue that sanity through a lifetime,
no matter the outcome, no matter the cost.
She explored his face. He’d blown half of it apart in a diving accident,
a pressurized problem upon resurfacing, some sort of explosion,
something about oxygen that I can’t recall now.
He’s said his left eye was hanging down, and when he closed
the right one, he could see his feet….
They put it back together, one of the best surgeons ever did the work,
and now only a scar across the left cheek, from above the bridge
of the nose to down below his cheekbone. A miracle really.
She could see that the damage had extended into the jaw, for
the teeth were no longer perfectly symmetrical, yet still and all,
he was a handsome devil, with some of the edges rounded out.
The Perfect was gone forever, but enough was true North to believe.
This man, punching himself silly, and still he demands the Truth.
Before I’d come, he’d said his daughter V would be there the
28th Jan, and go home the 9th of Feb, the day before I arrived.
“Not for your birthday?” I’d asked.
“No,” he said, “I don’ wan’ to get her involved right now,” and that
“if someone ends up in my life, then she will…”
But he said he had never had her with another woman, that her
mother had been pretty loose about men, and he will not subject
her to that.
I did respect that, and admit I’d been wondering how all that
would work… whenever he mentioned the mother, great tension
built in the air, the tone of the voice changed, and unpleasant
adjectives inserted themselves.
It was obvious there were many unresolved issues between them.
I remember thinking that part of him was still in love with this
likely beautiful blonde that he had been so crazy about, the one
who had given him a third chance at really being a father, present
and deeply involved this time……for surely it is true….
The opposite of love is not hate… it’s apathy.
So now, suddenly after only three days, he tells me he wants V
to come here for his birthday, and stay a few days.
His way of telling me, I guess, that what he feels is real.
I take this to be a good sign.
So we go to the house of her mother in Sao Paolo… a ride on a long
long bridge across the bay to Rio’s twin city, newer and more
commercial, and certainly not as picturesque.
Actually, when Piney had visited Brasil for some business there,
she stayed in Sao Paolo.
“Ha!” he exclaimed. ” An’ she thinks she’s seen Brasil?
No, I don’ thin’ so!” and his laughter exploded through the phone.
“Oh that’s funny.”
So the daughter hops into “Pai’s” car…. a little jeep like thing called
a Gervel, produced in Brasil by Volkswagon.
Cute, sporty, good mileage……top on, top off, quite fun really.
She eyes me suspiciously, while simultaneously smiling and enduring introductions. Since I don’t actually speak Portuguese, they chatter
away, and I do my best to just take it all in.
She has his huge dark eyes, brown skin, long thick hair. Her mother
is the blue eyed blonde, and I watch to see where she fits in the mix.
Very self possessed, confident, dramatic, expressive and smart.
And obviously in love with her Pai.
She has his wild, and something else…
Something seductive and coy, with great feminine wiles.
Oh this is going to be interesting….
February 9, 2005
OK… so here I am, sitting in the airport, all packed and ready to go…
It’s about 5:30 am, and the plane boards at 7. > EGAD…!
The day is finally here, and I am a bit numb. The last 24 hours
are a blur of lists and deadlines… I was up at 3am yesterday, and
I think I dozed a couple hours between 5 and 8. Very physical day,
moving tons of boxes and furniture. Last minute things all day,
finishing the animals and ebay, and mending,
cleaning, packing…all of it.
And now I’m here, waiting to begin my journey to my future.
She wondered how she ever got here… Looking ahead, to a future
unknown, yet so full of strange foreign fare. Possibilities loomed…
She’d felt many things in the past 2 months…lately she’d been
saying she felt like the girl on the half shell.
Like a mail order bride. Like Grace Kelly leaving all she’d known,
to be with her man, in a strange country.
All pleasant……all prickly strange.
If it all were true, this would be the last hours of aloneness.
So many years seeing herself alone…how many? 21? Lots of
false starts, lots of maybe – maybe nots….. And now?
Could this be a cosmic joke? The signs were auspicious,
she had to admit.
Could things really just fall properly into place, and aside from
the usual day to day drab realities of really knowing someone,
is it possible, just possible that the two of them were inheriting
some sort of golden egg, laid how long ago, but now fully ripe
and hatching forth a creature of shimmering luminescence,
full of light and ready for action.
To see him finally face to face… His specter prowled
the cove of her heart, and she desperately desired
a peaceful resolution to her longing.
It would be many hours, stops in Chicago and Miami, time changes,
dozing and rousing in that dream state that travel creates…
And by late tomorrow afternoon, they would be together.
The time grows nearer to my departure. Over the weeks we have
grown to know eachother better, and certainly talked more than
we ever had years ago. Years ago, the body did the talking.
When you want to be close to someone, and all you have is the
phone, you think of a lot of things to keep the voice on the air,
no matter what.
The old and new Alcir were merging now, and I was almost all done
with preparations, packing, passport, and practicing Portuguese…
Gee, that was a lot of P’s !… and I was ready for
Whatever was coming.
I was thinner, tanner, more centered, and all there was to do now
was to get my stuff in storage, and out of my daughter’s house,
and to be sure my dogs and cats were going to be alright for the
month I would be gone.
I had no idea what would be the outcome, so I had prepared both
for coming home and continuing on my own private Idaho,
and for things to be ok for me to continue on this Brasil direction,
and ready myself for further adventures beyond.
I poured over my journals, and re-viewed the things that I had
found about him and those 18 years we had been apart…
One of the first things I had found was a Resume he had put on
the internet, and I read it once again… the robot had translated,
so any possible poetics were gone, but the essence was there…
It had given me a snapshot of his life somewhat, after he left.
“Been born on 14/02/1958, former Rio de Janeiro pupil of the
Collegio Pedro II, former urban guerilla during periodo of the
dictatorship, exiled em 1979, having lived in 5 paises, and
transited by others the 43 in all continents.
Having worked as Fishing of Ouricos of Mar (Professional Diver)
of the coast north of the State of California. He ties the Alaska,
where I lived per 4 years having worked there tambien as
Fishing of King Crab, that and considered the profession most
dangerous of the world, and having served per 5 years in the
French Foreign Legion, in the Duzieme Regiment Etrangere
de Parachoutists of where I gave low with apos metals of bravery
to have passed for tres great conflicts, as: Chad, Djbouty, and
finally in the Gulf War Desert Storm.
Eximio sailor, having crossed the horn four times, two times
being ground.
The unica reason pra that I bring everything this tone, and so
that can subsidize what I believe gives a success, my book of
memories that would like to see published, as much how much
the remain of my tedious workmanship would literaria.
None ties the moment, but I wait to revert this picture how
much before.
In the truth, I have dues letters and an article on fishes of
ouricos of the sea, and the Exon Valdez, published in the
periodical San Francisco Chronical.
I Wait Contacts…”
So from what I could glean, he’d attended the most prestigious
school in Rio, which meant Brasil, where when a student graduates,
they are already at the level of 2 years of college. I knew now
that he spoke Brasilian Portuguese, English, French, and I
believe also touches of several other languages, as well as some
of the Indiginous dialects.
He’d been diving for Urchins on our coast, and going to Alaska
for four seasons of the King Crab (and the show called the
World’s Most Dangerous Catch had filled me in on That life!
I certainly could envision him on the deck, whipped by giant and
frigid waves, while working 20 hours a day, that Permagrin
melding his face) and he Loved it!
He’d joined the Legion, and although he’d gotten out in two years
and returned to Brasil, still I guess he continued to serve for three
more years somehow…maybe as part of his agreement for going
home early.
He’d been back in Brasil since 1989, and now had a daughter.
His two sons from two different marriages were now grown, and
they were somewhat estranged from him.
I recalled how he had told me the story of his enlistment…
The fellow had been distracted with other things, screens, pages….
and when he finally saw and interviewed Alcir, the guy gave him a
name… in the Legion you loose all history, can make No contracts,
and there is a new name given.
I seem to remember that something was on the TV screen, likely
the series, for the fellow decided that Alcir was to be Scott Austin….
Steve Austin’s brother…. you remember the Six Million Dollar Man?
He said he was his Brother….
And Usually, you don’t get out for seven years. Period.
He told me that his regiment was the most exclusive, and they
dropped out of planes at such an altitude, they wore oxygen masks.
They were sent in on secret black opp missions, and he had begun
to tell me just a little about those ventures.
I’d known about the Revolutionary thing, and why he was exiled
after some daring stunts, including robbing banks to subsidize
the Revolution.
I remember his tale of doing Two Banks at a time, in the middle of
the street, guns in each hand, and I saw this crazy movie in my
head, with Antonio Banderos, grinning the whole while.
He got very discouraged after learning that the money wasn’t all
going where it was supposed to go, and once again ideals fall prey
to the reality of corruption and lies… the very things he had been
fighting against. He left on a small boat that his grandfather had
paid for, and came to Norway, Hawaii, and then NorCal.
My time flew at the end… too much to gather together, too many
lists and minutiae… trying to think of things I had to have, things
I couldn’t get in Rio… my CDs, my vitamins and supplements,
cameras, film, watercolors, brushes and paper, journals, stuff for
the sun life (Hawaii helped with that, as Rio is on the same lattitude in
the south)…and I wrapped presents for his birthday…Valentines Day!
I’d found him some vintage sunglasses on ebay, and was quite pleased
with myself. He had looked great in his Vuarnets, and I knew the 60s
Raybans would certainly do the trick.
As well, there was the Green issue, and since they only had something
the equivelent of what we called Mexican Dirt weed, I bought some
Sees Chocolates, hollowed them out, and put a little Bud in each one,
sealing them up with warmed dark chocolate.
His bandido was rubbing off…
Still, I had this funny movie in my head, these big Brasilians, smelling
and tasting the chocolates, and dragging me away….
And now He had a list for Me… things he couldn’t get there…
a Living Color tape, Marshall Tucker Band tape, the Bill Murray
film, Where the Buffalo Roam…High Times with some Sailing article
he’d seen, a can of zippo (no can take on plane), and some
good Scotch…of course.
I told him I would do what I could. He was pretty poor, but although
I was relatively the same, still I knew there were many more options
for me, and I had no problem in fulfilling wishes that would make both
of our lives better….
Details, details, details…. notes to myself all over the place.
And that feeling of Can’t Wait in back of it all….
It was all going like a bus out of control, and at this point, there
was nothing I could do but hurry up! and all I could do was wait
and go with the flow.