…the letter…

The wait lasted forever…. thrilled at the find, still nothing would silence the need to know.  Who was he now… what had he been filling his life with since we’d parted.  Was he happy… did he remember…still.

While i waited, the site entranced me, giving me glimmers of him, his world, and what most entranced was the poetry.  I had no idea the man of action, man in a man’s world, man of few words, wrote the way he did.

One poem called me back again and again… even though the Automatic Translations were often times confusing….

“In Search of a Love”

Viajo pelos mares,                                           Travel by sea,
em busca de teu porto.                              in search of your port
dias e noites passados                                days and nights spent
em busca do alento                                    in search of inspiration
do seio que alimento                                  within which, the food
com os beijos do regresso.                   with the kisses of return.

Seguem as gaivotas,                                            Follow the gulls,
aos bandos a me guiar                               the gangs to guide me
apontando as nuvens distantes         pointing the distant clouds
que refletem como espelhos,                  reflecting like mirrors,
teu corpo que flutua no mar.       your body that floats in the sea.

A luz do farol, na noite           The light from the lighthouse at night
tira-me de rumo incerto                    strip me of course uncertain
devolve o caminho                                            returns the path
que hoje navego sozinho,                        I now navigate alone,
pela vida,pelo sonho                                         for life, the dream
a te buscar.                                                                to you.

Esta brisa que me move,                        The breeze that moves me,
também sopra em meus ouvidos               also blowing in my ears
as velhas canções de amor                           the old songs of love
que me fazem flutuar                                        make me fluctuate
que me levam a dançar                                  leading me to dance
que afastam de mim a dor.                         the pain away from me.

Longitudes que aproximam                         Longitudes to bring
as latitudes da vida.                                      the latitudes of life.
Seguindo as cartas                                         Following the letters
que como se na sorte                                        that as is the luck,
vão me afastando da morte                   take me away from death,
prolongando meu sofrer.                      prolonging my suffering.

Caminhos incertos,                                              Ways uncertain,
nesta busca                                                              this search
sem instrumentos.;                                        without instruments
guiado pelo amor,                                                 guided by love,
pelo instinto                                                           by instinct
e por meus tormentos                                      and my torments

A maldade me corta o peito,                      The evil cuts the breast,
como o vento que rasga as velas       like the wind ripping the sails,
fria lâmina precisa,                                          cold blade needs,
insensível aos meus lamentos           insensitive to my lamentations
finda os movimentos,                                    leading the movements
da viagem que agoniza.                             of that agonizing journey.

Afunda o barco                                                     The boat sinks
em mar revolto.                                                     in billowy sea.
Naufraga o amor                                              Ship wrecked love
acaba o sonho,                                                        just a dream,
sucumbe o desejo.                                     the desire succombs.
_ De bom                                                                  Good.
o fim da dor.                                                    the end of pain.

The Mechanical Translations certainly left things to be desired, but I found I could just sort of blur my mind’s eye, and the Feeling would come through…

I reached with fingertips of heart, longings of mind, waiting waiting after so many years, wondering if I could be that for which he waited, that which called to him through the clouded skies, a dream that I longed to waken to.

And then at last, it came.  Or rather, I found it amongst weeks of emails.
How could this be?  A letter from Alcir, postmarked weeks ago, there amongst ads and old questions.  There was no way I could have missed it, not seem it jumping from the page…
Then it occurred to me… his computer had a wrong date.  Of Course!
That could be the only answer…  And whenever he sent it, it shuffled itself into the past pile, only to be found when cleaning the house of my files.  How strange…

But there it was… Alcir Jose de Souza.

Slowly I opened it… or quickly, I don’t really know which.  It was that time warp thing again, he was there, waiting to be opened, waiting for weeks, and then it was before me…

…And he included a picture of himself, at work in the Control Room of a ship.
Graying temples, a more grounded aura, the boy had morphed into a man, and heart swelled into throat, the patter of past and future now present and alive once more.

Carol ?
My delicious Carol, from my youthfull days in northern California, my crazy godess of love for whom i drove many times from Tahoe to the other end of Californiashwazerneger (Sory i couldn resist).
If is really you send me a foto and some private things that only you would know.      What i was douing in there? wath car did i drove ? and other more private things .
Send me a return e mail soon.
If is you all my love and kisses !!!
See if is realy me the man you think you know !!!!!!

2 thoughts on “…the letter…

  1. Laura says:

    Oh. boy! Was it him? Strange you missed the letter in the midst of your longing. Hmmmm,

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