“December 7, 2004

Hello my dear darling crazy brasilian……

I have no idea why I only just now found your email……I have waited and searched every day, and finally decided that I should just give up.

Then, this morning, I was going over my hundreds of emails

(I sell on ebay), and THERE YOU WERE…..

First of all, let me say with all sincerity and passion that I am so glad just to know that you are alive.  Many times I have wondered, and yet

somehow I have believed that you were.

I also was afraid that you were in Desert Storm, and up there in the north, fighting the Republican Guard.  …..I guess I was right.

And yet, somehow you survived, and to read (sort of, the translations are GHASTLY), your writings has been the second thing that I am so grateful for.  To get a gleaning of what your life has been like…..

I guess I can only imagine.

I want to hear ALL of it……

Yes sweetheart, it is me.  OK, so you want proof?  What, you think

someone else is fucking with your mind?  OK….You came to my house with a Mensa brat named Steven, and you were both drunk.

You’d met at the bar….you were diving, or hoping to get a diving position at Point Arena.  It was nine o’clock, and Steven was supposed

to have cooked dinner, and you walked in with a frozen chicken.

You bowed with your hands in prayer position, and I later figured out it was because I wore a kimono.

You walked into my kitchen, and exclaimed…..

“what ees thees woooman doing with thees peecture on her wall???

I have grown up loookin at thees picture……what ees thees wooman

doing with thees theeeng???……..”

“Oh, you’re Brazilian?” …………

“Yes, what deed you theenk, I was a stupid Mexican?”………..

More? You want more?

You always left something at my house, and had to come back

to get it.

Your watch, your wallet, your sunglasses………I told you it was

because you wanted to come back…….

Oh, and you were going to vote for Bill the Cat and Opus for President………..

Remember the hot tub night?  oh my, so hot……..we were something.

Oh ya…….what car? At first you didn’t have one, I think, because you

got rides from your friend, and rode your bike (how cute was that?)

to my house.

Later, you arrived with a big fat Thunderbird…….and washed it in my yard, while I watched, and played Sade.

When you called me from Rio, you said

“I love you, and I always did…….

…and I would not want you to think something different”……….

and you kept saying  “I’ve never forgotten”……….finally I asked why…

..and your reply was one of the most poetic things anyone has ever

said to me……

“It is not often that a man can find peace”.

OK, your turn.  My heart is beating fast, and I smile to you, my

beautiful man……..

Love and kisses to you too.  I can’t wait for you to write back……

………….Carol