…holiday journal 2004…

After three weeks of conversation, after sharing memories
that seemed aligned and clarifying, it was nearing the end of
December, Christmas and the New Year soon to come.

During this time, that Poem had been sent, swooning me into
Cinderella dreams, dreams of my hero coming to whisk me away
to an exotic land and an adventurous, new life.

The next morning I called him… it was afternoon there…
“So… did you get the poem?…was it really bad?”
“No, it was good…it…it bowls me over.  You’re so Bold”
“So….what do you think?”
I pause, speechless for the moment.  Then softly, a whisper rises
from my heart…. yes…….yes…..yes, yes, Yes!
“So….you liked the poem That much?”
“No…I like You that much.”
“So… how do we do this?”
“One day at a time, I guess”
“Oh, like alcoholics….ok…I wan’ to kiss you right now”
“Well…our lips are each close to the phone…”
“I know where I’d like my lips to be…”  he trailed off….
…..I could see his smile…

“I can see you naked right now……I remember that”
“What do you remember?”
“Your nice big round butt…I love it…and your voluptuous tees …
…I’m getting hard…it hasn’t been used much in a while.”
“Me neither… two and a half years!”
“Oh, Tight”… his grin was audible.
“Ya… I guess I’m re-virginized.”

“I live on an island,” he began, “in the middle of this huge bay…
Guanabara… it’s Huge, 15 by 16 miles!  The only way to get off it
is by this bridge that is 21 miles long…”
“It’s the family estate, it’s fairly large.  It is where I was born.
They wan’ to sell it, but they can’t, as long as I’m here.
They keep offering me Peanuts…peanuts and banana peels…
But I don’ wan’ banana peels…I wan’ the Banana!”

The next time we talk, he inserts
“…So…that poem I wrote?  I meant Every word.”
And later he comes back with his frustration…
“So…how are we going to Do this thing?  Are we gonna keep on
with this telephone bullshit?”

So it’s Christmas Eve, and I call him as requested.  I have a
phone card that is so amazingly cheap, it only makes sense, and
so we have our own little party, drinking and chattering,  as though
we are really together, and laughing our guts out, on and on,  for
three or four Hours!
It was the closest we’d gotten yet to being together.

He began telling me all the things he wanted to do to me…
“I like holes…. places I can put inside…” with which the laughter just
exploded out of me…. bwahahahahaha!.
Later he said he was hard again….
“Oh… I think I’m gonna have to peel the banana tonight.”

He told me things he’d never said.  He said things about the first
time he saw me, when he saw my body…. he talked about his
Tahoe girlfriend, back when we’d first met.  He said it was nothing,
something about how she was more like a friend, and not a
girlfriend, but I didn’t get much more.

I don’t know if he’s Ever really been in Real Love.  He’s a Romantic
turned Cynic… but in there, he does want a True Love…
“Somebody by my side” he told me…
“If I had someone by my side…”, and I told him that he Did.
“I’m Here…Alcir, I’m here.  You’re Home my darling…”
“..oh…woman…  what are you doing to me?”……
It came softly, and from a distance.

At first when I had called him, his daughter V was still up,
and he was laughing.
“Oh NO!… what deed you doo?  Did you farted?  Oh,
I can’ belive it.  My beautiful little daughter farted…”
All of us started laughing, all of us.

“You know… it’s wrong for fathers to have daughters, because
we are raised to believe you people don’ shit or piss or fart.
Nothing smells….an’ then we hav’ a daughter, an we fine out
all these theeengs.  It destroys all our fantasies!
The myths are Gone…. ”  he was laughing deeply now.
“She has Brake marks in her shorts!”

He had made a complete Christmas dinner, for the two of them,
and for his aunt.
Turkey, rice farofa, some sweet potato thing, some kind of pupu
which lost me in the translation…
White wine the first night, red the second…
“Is this some sort of tradition?” I asked.
“No…jes’ a good way to get drunk…”

Vitoria could hardly handle the wait for midnite, to open her presents.
At one point, she was crying for him to come lie down with her…
I almost hung up, to call him later, but then he said…
“Oh wait…she’s stopped…her eyes are closing.”
and then he asked “Know what I’ve got in my hand right now?”
“Your cock?” I offered…. and a breathy snicker came forth…
“A nice little gram, and now that my daughter’s aslip…wan’ one?”




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