… it had been nine years …

“I would like to hear your voice again !
My Skype is *********
my Number in Norway is **************
I will call you back at my expense !
I am during something that i want you to be part of it !
PS: Does my accent is so ridiculous or is that the interpretation of
a woman that still in love ? ……………..Alcir”

Thus came the email out of nowhere….
It is dated 2/28/2015
****OK…….. now i’m taking another minute This minute….
It was exactly One Year ago….  how strange is that?
I opened the email slowly in time, heart jumped, mind fuzzy.
Why would he be writing me after soooo long?  was it 2006
the last time i saw him?   He was calling himself Capitao,
something he was very proud of.
I reread it a few times, searching for more information…
Then i wrote back….
“hello Alcir…
How strange to hear from you after all these years.
So do tell me …just what is this ‘something’ that you are doing?
I’m sure you have a few somethings goin on!
Take care……..Carol”

“Hi Carol
I am sorry to have contacted you….i was drunk and had
received news that a lady friend of mine in the usa had passed;
i did got choked and sad and was somehow concerned about you….
….sorry again…i wish you all the best..but we should stay as
we were till now; there’s too much hurt and revenge in the
memory of the very bad times provoked by my self;
i do sincerely want you to be happy and live a long and
prosperous life.I do promise not to contact you anymore.
Best Regards
Alcir ”

My heart jumped…. No!  Wait…. (I think)… one minute here.

And i proceeded to write a note that reached out to someone
willing to be vulnerable and tender,  after so long.
“hi Alcir… no problem in your reaching out.  I honestly thought 
you wanted to work on your life story or something…
After seeing American Sniper, I actually said aloud to myself..
“his story is much better”… and that was last week.  Funny…
I have no desire for revenge.  I did everything i could, and 
stayed until i knew nothing would change.  You moved on 
quickly, and found a new life, perhaps one that fulfilled all
your boyhood dreams…
Yes, i will allow you to take the responsibility for some very bad
times, but we did have good ones too.  It’s always both… it just
has to be a lot more good than bad to work for me.  And being
denigrated and belittled has never been my style.
But i detect a teeny tiny apology there, and I will take it,
and thank you for it.
My life is happy, I am living in Point Arena again, and enjoy
good health and lots of friends… as well as enjoying a good
helping of alone time.  I have learned to really relish being alone,
and i consider it a sign of maturity and health on my part.
I wish you well too, to live long and prosper as Leonard would say,
and to finally be at peace with all that you have lived and all
that you are… a real handful, but a wonderfully unique individual
with great attributes.

… it’s been a long time …

It’s been some time since I wrote about my guy friend, and
there are several reasons for this rather long gap…
When I last was recounting our time together, I had just
arrived in Rio for the second visit, to be a lengthy one, and
re-entry was becoming difficult for many reasons.
I stopped mid story, because frankly it was so completely
depressing me, and it was confusing, and draining,  to be
taken back to such an emotional six months stay.

rio at night with christ

Rio has such romance and magic, and particularly for me in
the last 28 years, because of a Brasilian I met waaaay back
in the Eighties…. ah yes, the party decade!
He was diving for Urchins, I was a local, a friend brought him
to dinner, and the rest just unfolded as it did.  Great chemistry,
great romance, excitement, charm and mystery.
Then he vanished, as he used to love to do, and then two years
later, called me from Rio, to tell me that he loved me.
Then more years…. and then finding eachother on the internet,
making plans to meet, a month long visit, crazy mad love,
plans to return….. a painful year, at least for me…. and then
at last an extended stay.  We planned to marry… or at least
be together in a new way.

So there we are… we have some context as to the ‘picking up
where we left off’ part.  But see, there’s a catch… during this
interum, while I put away the turmoil, the ugliness, the long
and terrible confusions of to stay or not to stay…. and trying
hard to figure out this very convoluted man…. a completely
unforseen thing happened.
He emailed me…………..
Yes……. out of the Blue….. and here he is, briefly touching
in, with deep and sincere apologies, and wishes to perhaps
be able to converse.  I soon agreed, and we began what is still
going on today… long and heartfelt conversations via SKYPE,
with the most delightful videos, the most touching shares.
And that was Nine months ago…. hmmm?  rebirth?
He is living on his boat in Norway, soon to throw himself to
the wind, literally and as he is fond of doing.  And so there’s
more stories to tell, videos to enjoy, and a new blog site
in the future.

The true miracle of all of this is…. we have become real friends.
When you are ‘in love’ with someone, you know it will change
and turn into something else…. but to move from all of that
to Being Friends, and sharing things that really mean something…
Well, that my friends is an impossible Wish Granted.

… it’s Time …

The time has come for picking up where we left off….

There was a Saga going on… a Love Story, a History Lesson,
a time wharp Reality that is lived…….. and shared.

There is also watchers and disbelievers and scoffers, who
diminish and degrade the Grandure of what IS…
… and i am not fond of stalkers either………..

This is an announcement of intention… and a Pronouncement
of a Beginning of a Continuum of something that began eons
before, and will continue for Uncountable eons to come.

There will be No Fear… No thought of repercussions or fitts of
rage … no reactive realities….. i will continue my Art

Thank you all……………

… stupidity …

Ah yes……. what a great word, a great subject.
What is it that could be more irritating than pure Stupidity?
And what IS it about people who are of very ordinary intelligence
that encourages them to think they are smarter than they are?

Must you be smart in order to know how little you know?
Oh I think so.  At least that has been my experience, both with
others, and yes, myself as well.
When you are young, you think you know everything… because
the world is very small, and perhaps you Do know all about it….
that small secure and encased world of yours.
But as you grow and learn, and as the world grows larger with you,
you begin to realize how very Little you actually Know.

Sometimes you’re too stupid to know how stupid you really are.