He looks more and more like he did in the old days….
Loving the long hair, distinguished, proud, classic…
and his Raybans, dark and mysterious, leaving you wondering.
And WHAT is that in his hand? A Legionnaire’s HAT………
HIS Legionnaire’s Hat………….
…she has him now…
like some mystic lover who won’t let go…
she insists … she calls
and he listens…
he has no choice
and i have no choice
but to wait
A Home by any other name would smell as sweet…
What is Home? a Place…. a Person… a Memory?
To each is the answer, their own answer, an ever changing
or Never changing entity to pin your heart on.
I have found a Home… it perhaps is not a forever thing,
and then again, we never know, do we….
I do have other Homes in my heart, and now,
One special person
lives there forever …
He has become a home for me to go to.
So….One lives inside me, and for now, the other One,
the One that I shall live IN… has arrived.
The European/Mediterranean style white wash, with arches
and red terra tiles stands secluded on a wooded hillside, with
decks and walks, entry elegance and winding staircase.
Space……….. windows……. and quiet freedom.
Nestled above the fogline, the summers will bring a welcome
warm, and windows filled with ocean and sky.
Places to work, and lots of time alone. Alone!
The gentleman owner lives there sporatically, most of the
time traveling and working. When he’s there, I have a large
private room and work spaces to myself.
Yes…….. after long looks, months of askings and
nights filled with worry and wonderings.
I move next weekend.
I am sooooooooooooo happy.
Thank you All for your help and so many good wishes.
I would imagine that pictures are to follow!
—————————————
What a film….. what a Film! I’m emphatically in love with this film,
this man, this depiction of an astounding era in our history.
TRUMBO was/is a Man of the first degree, and the same name
graces the film that has captured my heart… at least for the
moment… yes, i admit to being just a bit fickle.
See it… embrace it… absorb it… stick with it, for it will not
disappoint you, nor leave you wondering why…
Blacklisted in the fifties, a brilliant career destroyed, and his
family nearly so, he truly rises as the Phoenix that he was.
Hedda Hopper…. I had No idea what a complete power mongering
bitch she was.. and Helen Mirren does her justice. John Goodman!
some fellow playing Kirk Douglas who sparkles….. Elle Fanning …
another bright sparkler….. Diane Lane as wife eternal….. and
Bryan Cranston as the Man.
I got it because of him, but this entire film took me on the
EE Ticket ride and at the finish, I felt as though someone handed me
a cotton candy and a big red balloon.
Just SEE IT!
Here’s Alcir on his Birth Day last year, treating Himself
and Himself alone, to all the things he enjoys most…
…well, Nearly all the things… February 14, 2015…
and making a Video to share and commemorate.
He’s on his Boat in Norway…. named? “My Way”…!
Notice Two Mugs on his celebration table….
One is for his favorite Futebol (soccer) team, and
the Other is something I gave him years ago… Point Arena!
oh… and wait… are those the vintage Raybans I gave him?
……He started emailing me 2 weeks later.
The above pic is recent, growing his hair again,
and loosing 30 pounds!
Still working on the technology of it all, but you can enjoy this….
We are now starting the New Site…. champagne and baloney….
with this same posting … and as I hone my skills, you will see
snippets of his Videos and mine, to enjoy and ponder, in the future.
Visit it and say Hi to our new project !
https://champagneandbaloney.wordpress.com/
So! where would you like me to go from here,
dear Readers?
Shall I return to 2006 Rio, and ever so softly and
gently begin to describe the ups and downs of
that six month visit? For that is where i left off
quite some time ago. I suppose it must be dealt
with, yet it really sounds like work to me.
Or perhaps moving forward would be appropriate,
beginning to share some of the delightful stuff
that has surfaced during this year of Contact…
I do have one tasty morsel for you… one that I find
terribly touching, and more than enormously
rewarding…. shall i start there?
As we began our Skype sharing, and after that first
bizarre encounter, when we just sat and stared at
eachother …. so Other it was…
…and after a myriad of catching ups and apologies,
he was kind enough to tell me about himself and
his vast changes.
I know that men also go through deep changes as
they age, that testosterone backs off and more
tender places emerge. And I could detect a much
more than subtle nuance within this man.
But it seems that during these years apart, he had
been reading what i was writing, with all it’s blatant
honesty, the positives and the negatives about this
convoluted man….absorbing the life from another
perspective, and he told me ……..
….”You have made me a better man.”
He had begun to understand so much as he followed
the descriptions of my sadness and his cruelty, as
well as my clear understanding of Who he Really was.
He realized I Saw him, all of him.
He waited, he said, until the anger subsided…. until
he felt he could approach me again.
” I just want Peace now,” he said.
” I don’t want Violence any more. I’m Done with
Violence……….I just want Peace in my life”
I have let that sit within my soul for a while now.
Makes me feel such goodness about writing!
On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 9:26 PM, Carol wrote :
“What an extraordinary day…. Smiling now.”
____________________
…and on Mar 3, 2015, Alcir returns :
“To You with all my…… you know !
Thanks for being so generous !”
____________________
“I Love you for your Intelligence,
your Temperament,
the way you Carry yourself,
and your Elephant Memory.”
… Alcir, February 2005, Brasil
So perhaps, dear readers, you might ask….
Why oh why has it taken you so long to write again?
Certainly there are more than one or two reasons,
but more specifically, the pause began when the
memories of Rio were too sad and painful to relive.
After that, I just let it all sit, processing on my own,
letting him go and allowing some of the positives to
resurface on their own.
I knew he had moved to Norway, barely a few months
after I had left Rio….married a native there and gained
the privilege of living in a country he had idolized since
boyhood, with his readings of the classics, and adoration
of Thor Heyerdahl and his voyages.
Although in my heart I knew it had been too soon after
me, still part of me hoped he was happy, while
wickedly wishing reality would tear it down…
Yes …. sorry…..couldn’t help it.
I remember the last time we’d spoken, then it was only
the phone we had, and it was a couple months after I had
left in 2006.
“Come back” he called. “I have a captainship and will
be on 2 weeks, off 2 weeks. I make good money now, and
we can live in that village by the beach we went to… we
can be happy…”
“No” I answered. “You’ll be gone for 2 weeks, and I
know no one. Then you’ll be drunk for 2 weeks. I just
can’t come back right now. Maybe later…but not now”
He flashed red.
“Never mind. I’ll find another woman. I have money now,
that’s all I need. Don’t Ever call me again….
You’ll be begging, like all the rest.”
“oh Alcir……. you don’t mean that,” jumped from my mouth.
“Yes…. don’t ever call me again”… and he hung up.
I did call…. but only three times. Each time he wouldn’t
answer, and I’m not sure, but I’m pretty certain that I left
brief messages…
Like…….. hi…. will you call me please?
He never did, and I had to move on. He is a very willful man.
He’s had to be. Remember… he was a beaten and abused child
by both parents, because he was uncontrollable.
Brilliant, beautiful, and ADHD in days where ignorance ruled.
He was a constant embarrassment for them. Ugly shit.
So … nine years pass, the emails come, we begin Skyping
and sharing like we never had before, and I realize that altho
he writes prolifically, his Countenance, his enthusiastic and
spirited Self on video is so much more compelling… I realize
that his thoughts, his ideas and perspectives would have more
impact in person. So we begin recording our shares.
Yes, of course he knew, and knows. And the idea of a new blog
with well edited takes appealed to his ego, and his visions.
He would Love to know he has somehow made an impact on
the world, and been heard for all his perspectives and wisdom.
All this was stopped for a time, because of a certain person
who had it in mind that it was inappropriate for the status of
this particular person, and a bombardment on his emails and
messages began in such earnest, the stress of it all (and having
to leave Norway in the winter storms… another story) put him
in the hospital on several occasions.
He asked that I temporarily put a hold on anything to do with
him on my blog for a time. And I agreed, out of love for him.
The particular individual mentioned began hounding my
blogs, sometimes there were 50-75-100 hits from Norway.
Searching through ancient writings, this individual obsessed
over things written years ago, and began Writing me.
Obsenities, rantings, name calling… and I published them
briefly, so that I could respond in a firm and dignified manner.
“Get a LIFE” was basically my message. And once again Alcir
was bombarded with phone calls and rantings….it was crazy.
So……… things have developed and he has now told me that
I may do as I wish, that he Wants the new blog with videos to
be a reality, and that he doesn’t believe in censorship.
NICE! so there you have all the dirty details of the Whys….
and my Notes From The Love Wars continues!!
May Light and Truth abide.
p.s…See…… “it’s time” … a few postings back…
Shortly after I wrote that letter … responding to his approaches…
he wrote me to further explain who and where he was now.
(March 3, 2015 … nearly 9 years after I’d left Brasil.)
“Carol
I did not aged gracefully or for that matter i do not feel that i
deserve to be alive; in especial due to have fulfilled all my dreams;
i do have my sailboat were i am living in and planning to cross the
Northwest passage this summer and become the first brasilian
to do so alone; i was supposed to be happy and distant of the reality
of the world that do crumbles and stagger towards another gigantic
conflict and i am in part responsible for it ; i should had to be more
competent and killed many more iraks in especial from the
intelligence branches that today are the islamic state or isis;
No i am not giving me too much credit, i recognize that actions of
the usa and all other governments involved in the middle east,
afghan and iraq wars since the investments to crush the Soviet
invasion in afghanistan and later after the victory stopped with the
infra-structure build up giving chance to the ignorance of the taliban
to appear and succeed all the way to the twin towers;
Also the corruption and intelligence abandonment of the iraq gave
rise to the excrement’s that we see today with the beheadings and
burning’ s alive;
I, different of those governments assume my responsibility in not
doing enough to stop the madness that did come; I have no post-
traumatic stress disorder ,what I do have is a coherent responsibility
and I do not deny it or try to hide it under the carpet;
I did not watch the movie in question because I was there and do
not need fiction and propaganda in order to know what happened
in combat situations, in especial in the very specific relation that
snipers have with the war scenario due to loneliness and a need
to make god like decisions.
I did look you up again because of my knowledge and regret of what
happened with us when you were in brasil; I do apologize sincerely
for my actions and short comings as a man and as a human being;
I hope that you be well in Point Arena (look in my g+ the video of my
B-Day and see Point Arena in there) and loneliness for me is the best
thing; better alone than in a lousy company) .
I did made my choices and to be alone at this point
is the cherry on the cake .
Again all my best !
Alcir ”
notesfromthelovewars 