… the woman returns …

As the rains wash the faces of lush leaves and grateful grasses,
I become restless for change.  Contact with old friends brings
longings to my heart, longings for home and the familiar.

Work lined up, the late summer that some call Indian Summer,
has descended upon the Coast of California, the colors and warm
waters calling to my senses.
It’s time to pin down times, make plans, find friends to greet me,
and say goodbye to my island times in Hilo Town.

The Radiant One has announced her arrivals, and I will be driving
Her car to pick Her up, and chauffeur Her to home.
Completions are both delightful and difficult.

I decide in my journal, that She will be a character in some novel
of mine, for I have yet to meet anyone who glows with such self
absorption, such clear definition of who she is and what her
roles are…as well as everyone else’s.

I arrive at the Airport, brilliant sun, swaying palms, soft trades
wafting flower essences, and I am high on life.
Soon she is spotted, and we smile and embrace.
Her patchouli blots out all soft frangipani and plumeria,
as though her conflicts are with the entire island, that must
now know with all certainty, that She is returned.

She wears dark rich colors, and many layers, covering her more
than abundant flesh.  There’s no telling where the layers end
and the flesh begins, but it’s clear to see she has eaten well.
Kohl eyes, dark dyed hair, necklaces tinkling, bracelets
shimmering as she motions to where her luggage is.

I must lift them off the carousel, as her back is bad.
As she glances around to see if that handsome porter has
noticed her, her earrings, massive and audible, tangle in the
bundles of dark hair and veils and scarves, and she seems
somewhat unaware that I am struggling in any way to place
her things on a cart, and get the hell out of there.

The fact that I am 5-2 doesn’t seem to faze her….ah but I am
strong, pain free, able bodied, never mind that I  am easily within
three years of her age, and nearly half her size….
I bring the car to the curb, load the suitcases, and thankfully
she finds the door handle herself,  and manages to slide her
abundant beingness inside without help.

Phase one completed.

Homeward bound, she chats about her past and her future.
There doesn’t seem to be much present, but then
I allow for jet lag.
It’s early evening, and after I unload the car and bring her things
upstairs for her, she begins unpacking, and now moves in to her
bedroom, the place I have slept for two months.
My things, of course, have been packed up and moved out, and
I figure since it’s a small place, the screened lanai is the best place
to be out of her way, while the different parts of her arrive.
There is a card table and a folding chair… and mosquitos.

She moves to the kitchen, where she begins putting things in order…
and I discover that Her order is to put all my foods away in the
cupboard and refrigerator where She likes them, instead together
and accessible on the front shelf.
All my food is now hidden from view, including all my wonderful
and expensive organic coffees, now in Her freezer, my cream,
butters, nuts and cheeses, now in Her fridge door shelves behind
doors, and my condiments up high on Her shelves where
I can’t reach them…..
Everything is now marked with her scent and assigned
a new life in her world.

The Shock of her assumptions proceeds to confusion….
what the what?
…and I wonder if all of her nerve endings make U turns back into
themselves, because there seems to be no input from anything
outside of Herself.

When something about my food is mentioned, the reply comes…
“Don’t worry about it….” she tosses off over her left shoulder…
“I left you plenty of food.”

Uh….hmmmm….but  as I recall, it consisted of some produce that
needed quick use, much of which was cooked and fed to her male
friends, who’d been told that I would make lunch for them,
good slave girl that I am.  Oh well…..

I make plans for a black ops rescue, my coffee and cheeses and
almonds and sauces rushed to safety, while she’s in the shower…..

The evening looms, and although there is a small couch in the
front room that I figure I can now relax on, she seems to have
taken that over, spreading out all sorts of papers and notes and
receipts and pictures, and is lost in her ordering-of-self phase.
She never makes eye contact…

She brings out all of her precious Icons now, the ones I carefully
put away in drawers for safe keeping, and for my sanity.
She thoughtfully arranges them, one by one, each
in its proper place.

Oh it’s gonna be a long night.
She couldn’t Possibly venture out into the world to drive me to
my friends’ house tonight!  She’s exhausted.

She turns on her radio station, and crawls into bed.
There are night lights, and the sounds are loud.
At some point, I quietly move to turn down the volume, but
like a cat with one eye open, she catches me, and insists that
it be turned back to where it was.
She just can’t sleep without the radio on.

At last I curl up on that little couch, pillow over my head,
hoping to pretend to hear the trades, and see the moon.






… fall approaches …

VIEW from Jeff and Eileen’s Condo…. to the Left.


….. And to the Right.


As the “Radiant One”  stays a few weeks longer, I begin completing
tasks and contacts on the island.
The Hilton on Kona side loves my Gem Stone Jewelry, and puts
a dozen high end pieces in their showcases…. nice.
Expensive with rich clients…

The home owner who lives close by lets me know that if I want to
come back, he would gladly rent to me when the woman leaves.
He likes my work ethic…

My friends Jeff and Eileen have now moved to a third floor condo,
and with a view of the Bay, with little boats in and out.
I have this recurring fantasy of Alcir sailing into view.

Talks with Alcir continue, and although he is very distracted
with classes and long studies, we keep on having these great
times together.
I find myself feeling hopeful again, as his mood improves, and
great hopes for his future grow larger on the horizon.
He’s drinking less because of classes and studies, and his need
for clarity…. and a memory!

“You know Chico and Tekko?”  he asks.
Since i don’t get the reference, he explains…
“Chico and Tekko are this squirrel and this chipmunk in
a Disney  cartoon.

“I only have two neurons, Chico and Tekko…. ” he smiles.
“I usually work with one at a time, but when they get together,
they fight…”  and he chuckles at his own imagery.

He mentions calling me long time ago, when he returned
to Brasil, after the Foreign Legion.
As we talk, I realize he means Before I ever emailed him,
long time ago, like 1990s sometime.
As I question him, it all comes out, and he says.
“I called when I came back to Brasil the second time…. 1994?…
…after Desert Storm…and I got some store who said they
never heard of you.
I called your old number…the one on your card”

“You kept my Card?” I wondered incredulously …
my Celestial Dreams card, my cute little store in town.

I remembered when he called me, way back  in the old days…
“Hello?  Eeees Theeees Celestial Dreeeems?  Yes…..
I’d like to order one Celestial Dreeem Pleeees…..”

Funny thing was, after spending over a year on Kauai and
going through Hurricane Iniki in 1992, when I returned to the
NorCal coast I actually tried to get my old number again.
I thought it would be a good thing for any number of reasons,
some professional contacts….but they said it was already
being used by someone else.

But I also remembered thinking way back there in my mind that
if I had that number again, perhaps someday he’d find me.

I begin to make plans for leaving.  I’m thinking back to the
Northern California Coast, and such a great timing, what with
harvest season, and so many friends there offering work.
Oh this will be fun And abundance for travel!






…june 13 2005…

Today I face my fears.  Today I face creating money,
being on my own, not knowing what the future holds,
and liking what I have created for myself.

Go towards what opens, leave what closes….

Last nite after talking with Alcir, I went on his writers’ site
as he had asked… he thought a virus had perhaps affected it…

And there… 4/26/05…. is a new “erotic poem”.  And
what am i to assume?
Is it about me?  how can it be?  Is it about Her…
…whichever her it might be?

How am I to know?  Yet the title is in Portuguese, and it
will not translate for me, and it seems like it’s either
“You Did Not Come”… or “Don’t  Come”…

It’s some sad poem that talks about never her,
not showing up at all, and never knowing his Love…
but something about not coming…. and
one could easily take that in several ways.

I call him…..  I am confused, as well as potentially angry and jealous.

About all he could offer me was to ask me if I was jealous…
He seems unwilling to give a straight answer, and unable
to just Talk about Anything…
There is no explanation, resolution, or sense made of any of it.

I am left with something akin to everything else right now….
Nothing is sure, and It’s all up to me.

Then I watch a film and I take down a quote…
“God is the principle of simplicity and unity that seems to be
underneath all the complexity at the surface of things.”

I like what i hear…..

…and this is from a group of top scientists and theologians
that had gathered in order to redefine God for the 21st century,
bringing spiritual and scientific value into greater harmony.

and then the Journal …

“She let him go.  He was an aquarian after all…. and what is
anything without freedom…”

This terrible letting go engulfed her, and she realized that
was all she could do.  Let go with Love… because that was
still there with all its prickly holdings.
But letting go of any semblance of Control was the only
path there for her.  It was the high road for both.

Somehow she got in this place, the place of releasing
him and herself from any expectations or obligations…
and then serendipity came along,
and this song kept on going round and round….
..and it was in an Angelina Jolie film she watched,
and it spoke the truth… and as tears fell, she
stood on its ground at that moment.

Love Song

Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am Home again.
Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am Whole again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you.

And for a Sexier Version… a newer cover by Adelle…

Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am young again.
Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am fun again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you.

Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am Free again.
Whenever I’m alone with you,
You make me feel like I am Clean again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you.