…..the options pileup….

OK… so you’re probably wondering when I’m getting back on track, and talking once again about this internet dating thing.  Well, this week I am tying it all together, and doing some deep meditations on just what the heck has transpired, and just what the heck I want.

For isn’t that the real question here?  What do I want… now, at this time in my life, when looking back, I have had so much love, so many interesting friends and companions, and several deep and lasting connections that put dents in my heart…  what will make Carol happy just now?

I am not sure that hooking up with someone and trying to start all over, is really the answer.  The online search has been interesting (don’t you love that word?) and frustrating, informative and confusing…. any more adjectives we can throw at it?  So let me just lay down a few of the strangenesses I’ve endured in the last, oh say 3 months….

A good time ago, I started emailing with this fellow, who was my age exactly, which if you have been reading my stuff, you know is not my cup of tea.  My experience, which of course allows for many exceptions, is that men my age are frequently stuck, often macho with double standards, and usually haven’t taken real good care of themselves in the health department.  Many are Vets, adding some deep issues, most have had really difficult breakups, on and on.  Some say they’ve never Been married, which is a big fat red flag…

So this one fellow just wouldn’t give up.  He looked very kind and sincere, and at last I consented to meet.  He is a very sweet and caring guy, brought me a rose, paid for lunch at the Thai place (that’s a 2 score, one for pay, one for good taste), and he showed me his Spyder motorcycle.  Cute.  Looks like a Transformer.  So we go on a few dates, rode his spyder, go to a pow wow, which neither of us had seen before.  He’s accomplished, kind, smart, and even winters in Mexico.  So…? they ask…  I just didn’t Feel it.  Nice guy, good vibes, trust, comfort.  But no chemistry for me.  Not the touch, not the kiss, just Not at all.  Friends.  Someone to go to the movies with sometimes.                        He also has major health issues which I will not go into here, and that does contribute to that feeling, or lack thereof, I must admit.  Later on I will reveal some of the reasons for that.   So …that was the best so far, of my meetings with strangers.  He’s in Mexico, and I doubt that I will be invited, because I wasn’t into having sex.  There, I said it.

Next are the two very interesting guys with whom I spent many hours of talking on the phone.  And somehow I really thought the connections were real… all that laughter and agreement.  Both were younger (Yeaaaay), and I did feel that below-the-belt warmth.  Oh Good!  It’s not dead!   Each was somewhat fascinating in his own way.  One was part of a group that deals with metaphysical experiences, and he described some really moving things he’d been through, I was quite taken, and this went on for a month or so.  Since he was Hawaiian (mmmm… brown skin, big guy, gentle, played slack key) we couldn’t easily meet, but there were mentions of mainland visits on business.  So suddenly, or gradually and I just suddenly got it… he began to get strange.  He had revealed so much of himself to me, and asked that I do the same.  He wanted soft spots, weaknesses, vulnerable places, mistakes I’d made in life.  And then, know what?  He started to use them against me.  Really… this is not paranoia.  He got really critical and a little crazy, and finally I broke it off.  Then he de-friended me on Facebook… how old are we?  I was left in the wake of stuff I will never understand, and the only comfort is knowing other people who know him (in this group we are in), who have seen similar strange behaviors.  At least it wasn’t just me….

The other one was more recent, an even better prospect, and again we talked endlessly on the phone…. laughter !  agreement !  thinking in similar ways… and he was a big guy, traveled extensively, worldly and very hip.  Great Laugh, and again, younger.  Feelin it…. oh ya.  Getting excited about meeting him sometime… he wasn’t that far away.  So he says we should meet.  We set the day, and ….. the afternoon before, I get an email.  An email, after dozens of hours on the phone.  It says…. he’d like to see a full picture of me, since I only have head shots on the site.  Well, I call him, and tell him this feels really weird.  Like, we’re meeting Tomorrow… why this today?  The long and short is that he needs to see me fully, and basically won’t come up tomorrow if he doesn’t get the pics.  This is even as I’ve told him that all photos are in storage, and it means I have to go there and move stuff and sort thru stuff to find what he is asking for.  No, no one’s here to take my picture either…

So I do all that, email the pics, and wait.  His email says he likes them, I look great, have style, blahdeblah…. and he’ll call later.  Later…. he sends an email, and says….”blahdeblah, however I feel no need to meet you yet”.  Slam……. and Yet?  why was that thrown in?  And it all just went downhill from there, because me being who I am, I called him and said “what the what?”…. why are you being so weird?  and basically he said it was a Test, and he didn’t like the way I acted and reacted.   A Test??  a TEST?

So here ends this portion of my broadcast.  I will be back with more Tales of the Love Lorn, and by the time I finish, you will understand somewhat, why I am Really Tired of this whole scene.  People are Weird, plain and simple.  I am not immune to the same disease, but believe me folks…. not this weird!





4 thoughts on “…..the options pileup….

  1. Clay says:

    I find the whole dating world weird. Internet dating has taken all the mystery away. Tonight I have a date that was created the old fashioned way. Work with someone get to know them and finally get up the courage to ask them out. So dinner and a movie with someone I like! Im giddy like a little girl.

  2. Anita Duvall says:

    Oooh Carol, I’m liking this blog! I have some internet and traditional dating experiences that have left me in similar thought spaces. Suffice it to say, since moving back to the Midwest I have very little hope that the kind of match I’m seeking lives within hundreds/a thousand? of miles of me. I decided that there are many qualities I’m seeking in finding companionship that is a good match. I want someone on my team, who will be working toward many similar goals, and we won’t wind up counter-balancing each other’s efforts. I know I’m asking a lot, and see soooo very few who move me, I guess I’ve come to the point of deciding I prefer my own solitary existence to being with someone who doesn’t have my back, and/or we don’t really GET each other.

    I’m all for compromise and working on a relationship when it’s needed, but basically, I really want a relationship that starts out as a good fit, and hopefully grows even closer together in time. Add to my list of must haves, men’s proclivity for younger, pin-ups (who needs these guys, I know), their often less developed EQs, and the lack of energy/failing health issues, and well, I have pretty much given up having much hope. Sometimes I fantasize about moving back to CA, where my sense is that there is a much larger pool of men who feel compatible with my value system. It still would probably be an uphill battle, but I can’t help but feel that the odds would be more in my favor there, than here. I must be honest, all of this has led me to a sense of despair that I’ve been struggling with for almost 5 years now.

    I’m actually feeling encouraged by all the OWS 99% activity, because I can’t help but hope that it might help me encounter the type of man that has felt increibly rare to me in these here parts. Also, have seen so many men online that are not interested in the long distance thing, that comes up all the time when I do searches for hundreds of miles from me. Has this all been too much of a bummer to read? I’m sorry about that, I know it sure can get me bummed out fast enough! Nonetheless, I keep reviving my sense that anytthing’s possible, and so I haven’t completely given up, yet. Oh yeah, lovely touch, the one man adding “yet” at the end of his “I feel no need to meet” comment. Go,….Wait,…Go,… Wait,… Aagh! Thank you for sharing! : – )

  3. Clayton! oh I am happy for you. I can see you all excited and full of joy. Have a lovely dinner, and keep me posted. thanks for being here and joining in….

  4. Anita! so glad to see you have subscribed! Yes indeed, dating is very strange these days, and not just because of the internet, although that is rather alien to love. I am always loving hearing about others’ experiences, so thank you for your input. Not sure where all this is going, but it is in motion, which I guess is the point. Love to you!

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