Meandering Journal thoughts, after nearly 2 weeks in Rio:
January 9, 2006

“Wearing white, a Brasilian tradition on important days.  It shows off
the tan skin, creates a reflective surface between skin and sun.
Makes a woman feel virginal, something revered, as well as something
reviled.  What’s that about? ….how classic RC can we get, she thought.

She reposed, she reflected, she responded, she just couldn’t figure.
How could someone so intelligent be so stupid, stuck so full of the
Stench of the Past.
It is not good for humans to be too much alone,…
We are broken into pieces for a reason………..

God alone.  Just an Ego, creating, loving, enjoying, talking to itself…
But …..break it into…. oh, let’s see…. a Quadzillion pieces, and oh!
the Glorious Reflections.
Dazzling………Maddening…. and so distracting, endlessly.

So, back to  the One, back to the pieces….One, pieces, one, pieces,
ad infinitum.

She wanted to Scream it… Look Stupid, I’m Here, Ready, in the Now….
You want Results… You want me to reflect you, just like the Dream
Me reflecting You, in your one eyed fantasies… I’m Real…
I am Here because I love you…  Or… am I?  She even questioned that…

Maybe we’re just the best each of us can do, right now… we’re both
old and decrepit, as you love to keep reminding me….
So …  go find something better…. !!
oh!  the threat!
It’s all become the old struggle of Egos.  Will against will.  Who will win?
Well…you Must, or we cannot be a couple.  In your world, it is
heirarchical, and Man is on top.  In my world, I think I want a Partner,
different but equal.
How can our visions be so different?  Ore are they?
Yes, I feel superior in ways….at least i don’t Hate my Father…OR my
Mother, for that matter.  I have dear friends that I manage to keep
things well enough OK with… with distance….

Is it DISTANCE that allows for closeness, love, compassion, desire?

OK… in this world of duality, Yes, of course.
But only on a more minor scale, when it comes to life partners…
Some friends once a year, some once a week…
But that ever elusive Partner… Opposite must Be to attract… grow,
but Likeness must Flourish to sustain and maintain.
How to flourish Likeness?  Shared experience, a history built up
in time, of things to share, to remind eachother of likenesses.
But how to diminish resistance to agreement?… If it’s my idea,
it Must be bad, wrong, or at least diverted for while until it’s His.

I…Me….Me…. Mine.  A Giant shit pile of Ego.”

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