Tag Archives: point arena

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… tonite …

Here I sit, drinking wine, listening to Sting…some old
some new…. he is so Visceral.
Stirring soup, simmering ginger plum chutney, and
delighting in the night.

They say moving is one of the most traumatic experiences
of one’s life…  well, guess I’ve had a few… but
…..this one’s a good move.

Going back to the place where I felt most at home…
going home in many ways.    It is not something that happens
overnight, and sometimes it feels like there’s a drag on my sails..

So guess I’m sayin’….. I know it’s been a while since I’ve touched
in with you, my friends and readers….. but I do have some other
priorities that seem to take precedence…
I’m moving!

Long time ago, I fell in love with a man…a man from Brasil…

A little while later…like 18 years… I went to Brasil to decide
what the heck that was about.
…and what the heck to Do with it…

And still, years later I decided to write this love story about the
strange and wonderful and totally bizarre thing that happened
in my life….
And so….this blog… a blog, and a story which will become a book,
and partly because of Him…because he wanted someone to
write his Story….

But this blog has become so much more…

I’m not sure how good a job I can do on my own.
I do what I can, from Me…. from my perspective.
He is not here any more.
He struggles with his own demons, ensconced within his
own cluster of lessons and movement.  But…
he keeps on moving, keeps on unraveling his gordian knot.
He now has his Boat, and his diving equipment…
…a long time wanting, a long time coming, but finally,  Yes!

He is on his own trajectory….nothing unusual…
and GOOD ON HIM….. no problem here….
I think one of the most important things I want to say tonite is…

Hey Baby…. I do love you… I love your trajectory… I do…
I love how you keep on workin’ it, pushing ahead, no matter.
But I doubt there is room for anyone else but You.
This is sad, of course…..you being the romantic that you are…

I mean….wouldn’t it have been wonderful for one of those
beautiful and delicious romantic moments to realize itself….
and who’s to say they aren’t, in some reality, in some bardeau
on some plane, on some planet somewhere.
For I know you would love to have someone by your side.

Yes….I do indeed Know You….and you always said
I was the most intelligent woman you’d ever been with.
I suspect that is still true today.

But now…. I want it clear…. for…I am clear.
I am new and clear and
we have danced our dance.  I hold no agenda here…

I listen to Sting, to his words and heart… it rings of times and
places that are timeless.  Soon I return to places that hold my
heart, to memories and times that I will now pick up, take hold
of the string and continuum, and hold to my heart…
and it’s all relevant, all current, all now…

Because it Is all now… it’s not linear….it’s all now… so Hello….

I go home to a place that is set in time and will never move…
it is and it will be….and so will I…

You know….sorry that it didn’t work out, but…it did!
It was what it was… and we were what we were….

I wish you well my love… I wish you the fulfillment of
Your Dreams…

And so I say to you all, my readers… here I sit, readying myself
for another move, one of many in my life of chances and
throws of the dice.
Sureness in mind, yet chances none the less…

So hello and thanks for being there, today, tonite, now…
because I know all of you are just hanging on til morning,
hoping the sun rises once again, hoping someone cares.

“For tomorrow the sun will surely rise, and
who knows what the tide may bring in…”

 

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… coming home …

It’s an interesting time for me now, this return
to a place that holds my heart…
Twenty Years of roots, grown strong,
dug deeply into rich soils…
Roots strike cashes gold and silver,
nourishing soul, feeding mind.

Soon I will return to the NorCal Coast and
dear ones once again…
a place of crashing surf and haunting Redwoods,
filled with the calls of
Raven and the wild,
mushrooms offering themselves to me.

A cabin waits, set in redwoods,
creek nearby, both quiet and
company for tasting once again.
Beach walks and winter wilds,
Oceaned eyes, cold pint with friend,
abalone dinners, prying
mussels off of stone,
brisk dog walks on winter days,
tucked in tight
when storms invade.

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… a little time out …

As I return to 2005, when I am leaving the big island after
a three month stay, I find myself suspended between
two distinct realities….. two places that I have left and
returned to many times in my life.

One offers rich redwood forests, dramatic crashing surf,
warm and loving community of musicians and artists, and
a place where my kids went to school.
There is a lot of History, and an embracement of Love.
This is the green place, the Heart Chakra place, where
intuition and feelings take the lead.

The other is a dream world, a place where one’s body relaxes,
immediately knowing that it is the Eden where warmth and
sustenance pours from the skies, and the cleansing salty
oceans and fresh tradewinds are healing to all parts of ones
body, soul and psyche.
A place where one can easily create whatever scenario one
chooses, for this is the Root Chakra of the planet, the Red ray
source, where healing and creation begins.

Both are equally home to me.
And in Both places…Nature dominates.
Which has always Been and will always Be…
My Drothers…..

So now….or rather in my story of 2005,
I leave the islands
and return to the womb of friends and family,
of towering trees accompanied by ravens,
my favorite birds,
and a town on the scale that I
can relate to, understand, and feel Held by.

Oddly enough, just as I write to this return,
I myself,
this myself Here and Now,
Prepare for the same return, a coming home,
a welcoming with friends and places that sink deeply
into my heart and my memories.
I move back to my
Northern California Coastal town to stay.

Alcir has been a large part of this theme, this train of
thought, this story that is about love and life and loss….

So in the return, as in each return, Alcir comes up,
for it was here we met, here he came back again and again,
and here that the places we spent time at,
the places I held him in my mind before I
returned for the last time to Brasil, these places
will once again assault my memories.
He was here too….

But this time is different….
I am not waiting for him to decide what
he wants and when.
This time I am not trying to figure out the feelings,
the longings, the confusions that he created with
his own confusions.
I do not wait…. for anything.
And
I will not be waiting for anyone….
….except myself.

And do you know how delicious that is?
To be at Peace…..
I am on my path,
the one I clear,
the one I choose,
and the one that takes me
to complete and joyful Peace.

And so the story continues, in 2005,
and my return to the NorCal Coast and
my little town of Point Arena.

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… come with me …

Come with me, for a moment, to the present.
You may have noticed a small gap in my posts, and
there’s a good reason.

I have decided to move back to my dear Mendocino Coast,
where I lived many years ago, the one
I’ve written about.

Oregon has had its time, and now it’s back to the place that
I love, and the people I miss.   Once I truly made the decision,
it only took 10 days to find the place.

I have secured a cabin in the redwoods alongside a creek,
with 20 acres for me and my dogs to wander, a meadow,
the woods, mushrooms to hunt, and dear and good neighbors.
I will be there mid September.

I promise to get back to my story, once my feet
touch the ground long enough.
For now, I will share something I have learned…

If you want something, let the universe know, in clear
and certain terms.
Do not be afraid to ask for what you really want.
Make your intent clear, forget fear and doubt,
put away those voices in your head that
suggest you can’t really get it.
Know that you deserve happiness.
Put it out there, and then let go….
and let the universe deal with the details.

And you will be answered in spades.

 

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… the fourth …

How funny, to be here in July, when I am writing about this date.
I honestly haven’t thought about Alcir on this July day for many
years, and yet now July 4th in 2005 is not just in my mind,
but in my writings.  And so is the one in 1986.

Being an American… Alcir didn’t like me using that term, and
reminded me that Brasil was American too!
Being from the US, we are so self centered, and think of the
whole world celebrating Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July,
but no… They are ours and ours alone.

But I read from my friends that that picnic that happens every
year up on the ridge, in Northern California, in the summer warms,
with music and oyster bar and good beer, the one when I sang
in that Blues Band, and watched him watching me…
It’s going on right now….

The fireworks are no longer on that long beach, my favorite
beach, with the bonfire and the sparks flying into the night sky
to join the stars, and us sitting on that log.

They’ve been on the pier in Point Arena for many years, the Pier
that he loved, in that little town that he loved…
And it’s a great show.  Everyone sits on those giant rocks they
brought in after the massive storms took out the old pier.
And they sit on the balcony of the newer building down there,
the one built over the old cafe…Sophie’s Cafe, with the
Greek dancing at midnight.
The one I was sitting in when we were new, and he came by to
say hello, before going out to dive for our dinner.

The parking lot is still there, where he displayed his catch along
with the other divers, and he peeled off his body suit in front of me.

And that night… the first night… is still there, hanging in forever,
frozen on fire, a warm glow of coals and sparks to rekindle my
spirit and remind me that magic does happen, and life is good.

Alcir recently wrote
” …It’s 5 am and I am in Norway having a “few” 1664 Kronenbourg,
some shots of Glenmorangie, smoking a Jose Piedra Vuelta Arriba,
watching “The Man Show”, and the Venus passage in front of the sun,
in MY BOAT…..”

And now today I send this, my favorite quote from “Castaway”,
to him, and imagine him on His Boat, with that great big grin…

“And I know what I have to do now.   I gotta keep breathing.
Because tomorrow the sun will rise.
Who knows what the tide could bring? ”

 

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…then and now…

…1986…

When we first met, Mendocino Coast California… he was 29, I was 43…

 

 

…2005…

Together in Brazil, here we are nearly twenty years later…