Category Archives: brasil

by

… fall approaches …

VIEW from Jeff and Eileen’s Condo…. to the Left.

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….. And to the Right.

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As the “Radiant One”  stays a few weeks longer, I begin completing
tasks and contacts on the island.
The Hilton on Kona side loves my Gem Stone Jewelry, and puts
a dozen high end pieces in their showcases…. nice.
Expensive with rich clients…

The home owner who lives close by lets me know that if I want to
come back, he would gladly rent to me when the woman leaves.
He likes my work ethic…

My friends Jeff and Eileen have now moved to a third floor condo,
and with a view of the Bay, with little boats in and out.
I have this recurring fantasy of Alcir sailing into view.

Talks with Alcir continue, and although he is very distracted
with classes and long studies, we keep on having these great
times together.
I find myself feeling hopeful again, as his mood improves, and
great hopes for his future grow larger on the horizon.
He’s drinking less because of classes and studies, and his need
for clarity…. and a memory!

“You know Chico and Tekko?”  he asks.
Since i don’t get the reference, he explains…
“Chico and Tekko are this squirrel and this chipmunk in
a Disney  cartoon.

“I only have two neurons, Chico and Tekko…. ” he smiles.
“I usually work with one at a time, but when they get together,
they fight…”  and he chuckles at his own imagery.

He mentions calling me long time ago, when he returned
to Brasil, after the Foreign Legion.
As we talk, I realize he means Before I ever emailed him,
long time ago, like 1990s sometime.
As I question him, it all comes out, and he says.
“I called when I came back to Brasil the second time…. 1994?…
…after Desert Storm…and I got some store who said they
never heard of you.
I called your old number…the one on your card”

“You kept my Card?” I wondered incredulously …
my Celestial Dreams card, my cute little store in town.

I remembered when he called me, way back  in the old days…
“Hello?  Eeees Theeees Celestial Dreeeems?  Yes…..
I’d like to order one Celestial Dreeem Pleeees…..”

Funny thing was, after spending over a year on Kauai and
going through Hurricane Iniki in 1992, when I returned to the
NorCal coast I actually tried to get my old number again.
I thought it would be a good thing for any number of reasons,
some professional contacts….but they said it was already
being used by someone else.

But I also remembered thinking way back there in my mind that
if I had that number again, perhaps someday he’d find me.

I begin to make plans for leaving.  I’m thinking back to the
Northern California Coast, and such a great timing, what with
harvest season, and so many friends there offering work.
Oh this will be fun And abundance for travel!

 

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by

… the steve factor …

September 2005

Still island time, but it’s as though I see off in the distance,
where the road turns, and a new time begins.
Once the woman of this house returns, my time here closes,
and although returning is more than possible, still that
Northern California town calls to me now…
and since it’s harvest time, the timing could be perfect.

The days tick along, with long walks, jungle clearing, jewelry
making, and occasional visits from this fellow Steve.
The woman tells me he’s a great guy, that they have been lovers,
and that I should consider him as well.
He’s also the one I’m supposed to call if something needs fixing.

It’s not that I don’t understand that old hippie ethic that includes
sharing lovers, but frankly I’m having doubts about her abilities of
discernment, and besides, and most importantly,
he does Nothing for me.
I’m in Love with Alcir.

Steve, on the other hand, can be very handy to fix things around
the place, and she keeps telling me this, but he’s like a
silly little panting dog, humping my leg.
Why do I get the feeling that he’s used to being paid in skin?
Could it be that he’s been getting happy endings too?

That Play opens up in Volcano, with Jason Scott Lee, and I must go,
cannot miss this opportunity, and though I ask Jeff and Eileen
to go with, only Steve ends up coming along.
I dress up, of course, and as we depart, I’m thinking that
he’s thinking it’s for him……..  whoops!

The theater is tiny, and set up like a small living room.
We are in the front row, of which there are only 3, and maybe
20 seats wide.
Small intimate venue.  Lovely.
Throughout the play, the actors are sometimes only a couple feet
away, and it creates this feeling of being part of the play yourself.
It’s Visceral, you Feel it, I mean they’re spitting on you….
Our front row seats are right there on the players’ floor….

The themes are timely, with political overtones, but clear character development.  Everyone is lively, present, and professional.

There’s something about Jason’s energies, his lightness, his
intelligence.  He Glows….There’s this underlying Joy that simply
Beams off of his face, his skin, like a leaping dolphin.

Afterwards, as we go out to mingle, I am able to spend a few
minutes with him, and my head literally spins with his energy.
The man is so conscious, present, softly intense.

He looks deeply in the eyes, takes in the words I share with him,
his warm hand holds magnetic resonance, and I do not wonder
why he has left Hollywood at the peak of his career.
The man is on another plane, highly evolved, a beautiful soul.

He grew up in Hawaii, Chinese Hawaiian like Keanu Reeves, and
there is that Asian, quietly thoughtful thing that you can pick up,
as well as intense discipline, and great physicality.

His personal directions involve environmental issues and
working to return the area of the land he has purchased
(around the theater he has built), to its original state,
as well as writing and acting and directing.
My contact high continues for quite a while after our exchange.
Now I want to see all his films…

Steve and I go home, and it’s clear to me he holds this Agenda.
Oh no…. oh please no….
I act tired, and he leaves… whew.

I guess since the woman was open to him, so perhaps he figures
it’s only a matter of time til I succomb as well…. sorry… ewwww.

Journal….Sept 14, 2005

After the play, I still thought maybe I could sometimes enjoy his
company …  but he came over wednesday nite with dinner,
and … am i wrong? …the evening descended on my brain like
a hammer made of gnats…
He brought this horrible chicken thing, and when I offered some
nice organic broccoli, he asked if I would cook it “mushy”…
The fresh pesto I made, he described as “interesting”, and
for the final seal …he Loves Bush and listens to Christian News.

Huge iridescent Red flags wave all around me, blocking sight of
anything  that might be even vaguely positive about the man.

“Just level Iraq”, he says,  “and get it over with. ”
I’m getting nauseous…
“Who knows about WMDs…maybe they were there…but…bla bla bla”

My mind goes fuzzy…if I wanted Rush, I’d dial him…… merde.

He’s an idiot, and I want him out of here Now…
How can this gypsy hippie woman, who subscribes to all the latest
cosmic groovies, pictures of gurus, and incense burning, and special
meditation tapes, and talk of a Spiritual Center…..all the cool-speak..
….and she dresses like she’s waiting for Rama to come out of the sky
for her and ask her to dance for him and be his bride….

How can she Do it with him?
How could she let him into her body, with such a limited brain and
ridiculous opinions… I just can’t imagine.

When the puppy dog looks begin, I find myself once again nauseous,
and I feel this itchy irritation rising up in the back of my neck,
and behind my eyes.
From the beginning I thought I’d made it clear…

He gazes at me, as the TV searches begin.
He finds a soft porn channel, and wants to leave it on.
I don’t know whether to laugh or beat him up.
I leave to get a glass of water…

He lets me know he has “a chubby”.
(I laugh to myself that that was a good word to use, as
I greatly doubt it’s a “fatty”. )
I get up and clear away the glasses….

“I’m getting horny” he half states, half whines, as
I return from the bathroom….where I gaze at myself
in the mirror and ask….. WHA????.
At this point, my brain screams, but
I breathe….and
Slowly, Clearly, I say…

“Steve….nothing’s Ever gonna happen……Ever…….
Please…you must know that by now..
I’ve told you that …..  I’m engaged, I’m in love…”
I leave out the part about how I don’t find him at all
or in the least bit attractive, and that
Alcir  could Kill him with a look…

At last he leaves, and I can breath again.  I’ve finally and completely
realized the man is incapable of  Getting it, or even being a grownup.

I cannot spend a moment more with him around… that’s IT.
The irritation is not worth the occasional help, and
certainly not this big angry emotional hangover.

When the woman calls for her mail readings, I mention Steve,
and how completely irritating I find him.
She is incredulous, and cannot understand why.
WHA???

I was having doubts before, but now I am completely convinced
of this woman’s  strange and desperate consciousness.
Later I mention this to my friends, the ones who connected us
in the first place, and I can hear their mouths hanging open as
I fill them in on the happenings….

Good Lord, life is Strange…

 

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by

… the radiant one …

September, 2005

The near daily calls from the woman chip away at my patience.

She calls for the mail readings, she calls for any messages,
she calls to ask if I’m getting along ok with Paul, the owner…..

(Little does she know that Paul has great respect for me because
of all the work (paid) I do around the place, a bit of a contrast
from what he’s been used to….. )

She calls to ask if I’m walking the dog every day, and
to make sure I’m not driving the car too much….
She calls to ask if I can wash all her
windows and screens, and scrub the ceilings…
….no really.

Since I’ve been working for  Paul, she figures she’ll get some
stuff done.  I explain what my charges are, and she of course
wants to bargain.  I also mention that I don’t do ceilings….

There are calls from men, asking about massages, and when
she will return.
One asks if I would give massages, and if I do massages like
the Radiant One.
“”What kind is that?  I ask….
“Sensual Massage….” he answers.

Next time we talk, I mention the calls, and inquire about the
particulars, and after some specific prodding,
she basically tells me that sensual massage involves Release.

Oh Good Lord.  This woman is Nuts.  She actually explains about
the Mystical Healing energies involved, and how Release is
just part of a relaxing and Spiritual massage.

I explain that Happy Endings are not my thing, at least not
in a Professional Situation, and although I do enjoy giving
massages for good pay…
( as well as enjoying the employment of
Release in a Personal setting )…..
……I decide to do None of her clients,
for fear of getting into some
very sticky situations….

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by

… come with me …

Come with me, for a moment, to the present.
You may have noticed a small gap in my posts, and
there’s a good reason.

I have decided to move back to my dear Mendocino Coast,
where I lived many years ago, the one
I’ve written about.

Oregon has had its time, and now it’s back to the place that
I love, and the people I miss.   Once I truly made the decision,
it only took 10 days to find the place.

I have secured a cabin in the redwoods alongside a creek,
with 20 acres for me and my dogs to wander, a meadow,
the woods, mushrooms to hunt, and dear and good neighbors.
I will be there mid September.

I promise to get back to my story, once my feet
touch the ground long enough.
For now, I will share something I have learned…

If you want something, let the universe know, in clear
and certain terms.
Do not be afraid to ask for what you really want.
Make your intent clear, forget fear and doubt,
put away those voices in your head that
suggest you can’t really get it.
Know that you deserve happiness.
Put it out there, and then let go….
and let the universe deal with the details.

And you will be answered in spades.

 

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by

… her birthday …

It was 9-11, and I knew it would be a hard day for him.
Nothing to do with the US, just that it was the birthday of
the daughter, and he’d been dreading the day.

I called him yesterday, and he said he was studying hard,
because tomorrow he planed to go to the store early and
get drunk all day.

“Well,” I said…”I’ll be here if you want to talk.”

“I won’t be wanting to talk.”  he replied.

So about one pm, just when I was about to leave for Jeff’s,
he called.   There were two hangups before, but…

“Call Back!” he said. “I’m worth a minute…”

When I did, and he picked up, all he said was…

“I don’ wanna talk…just listen…”

“OK…” I blurted…

And there, through the airways come these sounds…

“Come a little closer…. Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin…We could dream this night away.
But there’s a full moon risin…Let’s go dancin in the light
We know where the music’s playin…Let’s go out and feel the night.

Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this Harvest Moon….

When we were strangers….I watched you from afar
When we were lovers…I loved you with all my heart
But now it’s getting late…. and the moon is climbin high
I want to celebrate……See it shinin in your eye

Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance tonight
Because I’m still in love with you
On this Harvest Moon.”

When it was finished, he was back on the line.

“This is my proclamation to you!” he said.
“Those Canadians… they always last.
Like a turd, you flush it and it just stays there…”

He laughed at himself…
“Guess that’s why they’re so close to the asshole…”
…he snickered again…  “I just made that up, just now”

“So…how’s that for someone who had nothing to say,
and a Canadian said it all for me…
That’s how I feel babe.  It’s all true.
In all this misery, I forgot the one good thing in my life,
and that is You.
Thank you for being in my life”
…”Wait…..are you sobbing?”

“No, just a couple tears…”

“Oh you woman…!”

“Thank you for being in My life” I returned..
“We Both deserve it”

“Whatever!”

“Whatever!…..Bye!”

“Bye…!’

Odd thing was…. I realized later that
that very night Was the Harvest Moon.

…and I knew it was no youtube….he’d just been playing his Records…
…. he had no idea it was the Harvest Moon in the US….

 

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by

… he returns …

It’s September, and after many weeks of sporatic calls,
hits and misses, Alcir comes back around to the himself
that I know and love, and begins talking.

He’d had a job for a short while… one he loved, working in
the Bay, laying some sort of lines… I think it was electrical,
and he was ecstatic.

“So, you like it?”
“oh it’s so good… I ought to be paying Them”, he laughed.
“I drive this boat around, jump in the wadder when I wan’ to,
catch a fish….. I am a very happy man.”

That didn’t last too long.  The funding got cut, the project was
dropped, and he was completely in the dumps again.

Still, there were the classes now,  the ones for a
Captain’s License, and that gave him hope.

Back in August, he called after spending time in the bar,
explaining celestial navigation….
…. a crowd had gathered…he had felt so proud.

Then he began lamenting about his daughter, and at last he
cried, sobbed uncontrollably.
I felt grateful that he could do this with me, but more so,
I was happy for him that he got some of this pain out.
As a woman, I know how important it is to cry.

“This thing is killing me,” he began, “and I’d just End it, but
I’m too much of a coward. ”

“No, that’s not true” I replied…
“It takes a braver man to stay and feel it, to grow.”

Now the daughter came up again… it was eating away at him,
as the mother and he were so at odds, she wouldn’t allow him
to take her, or even see her.

“I told V that I would be alone… an she said
‘No Daddy… I’ll be there’, an I said
No you won’t.   I will be alone now.”

He went on to change the subject…

“When I met you that first time, I was scared… but every time
I turned around I thought of you…and then that 4th of July,
when we did it for real…you fit like you…it…was made for me…
you’re my woman…
…an  now, I wanna be with somebody who shows me how
it is to feel that…
I wanna be with somebody who loves me like you love me…
Oh, I’m gonna put on Frank Zappa records, and fuck you…”

then he turned a corner… he did this a lot… thing to thing

“So Hunter S Thompson died…… an they shot his ashes out
of a cannon like he wanted….oh that’s beautiful!
I want my ashes to be blown out of a cannon…
play a bugle ……play anything…
Saints go Marchin in………..Me and Bobby Magee…
I don’ care…just get me outa there…”

“When I die, I’m gonna sign a paper that says to donate
my liver to science… they need to study me…I’m not normal.
I’m a guzzling V8, built to last.  ”

“I nearly beat the British world record for diving, 419 meters.
I made it to 413…..that was with professional diving equipment,
helium and nitrogen.”

“In my first free dive, I broke 75 meters!  the guys on the boat
didn’t believe me, so I followed the anchor back down, an
brought back some dirt, so they’d know!
I’m not a normal man, babe.  ”

“I don’ believe in God, macumba, gnones, santa claus …
…nothing…but one thing I believe in is a man’s envy….
they give you the Oro Grande…. the Big Eye…
an then I shut up an have another drink.
It’s a man’s ability of another man to kill with envy….  ”

Then, as he closed for the night, the tenderness came…

“I wouldn’t be here tonite, if not for you.
I’d go to the bar, an I’d have gotten in a fight…….
………… oh woman…. ”  and he sighed.

 

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by

… the coquis …

My friends Jeff and Eileen had to move again… they have been
house sitting the place on the papaya plantation, and that has
come to an end… so Jeff calls and asks if I’ll come look at this place
with him, as Eileen is on the mainland.

We arrive, and it’s in the middle of what is literally a tropical forest.
It’s an upstairs artists’ loft, and as we climb the stairs, there are
wild and leafy murals on each side, guiding us to a widely windowed
flat with sweeping views of the treetops, vines draping, little balconies
on which to stand, open except for a bedroom, enclosed Asian style.

The openness of the place immediately strikes me, and a vision of
their work spaces and wide tables covered with projects just fits,
under those high ceilings, fans dreamily turning, breezes softly
wafting, that eternal blueness in the distance.
It opens the brain pan, stretches the reach of inspiration.
…..and for me it’s an immediate Yes!

He is one of the inventors of the Hologram, with a couple other guys
back in the sixties.  Their style was the flat kind…the ones that jump
off the page at you.
There was another school of thought developing at the same time,
and oddly enough I know one of those fellows as well.
They each have chosen to spend time in Point Arena, and of course
are friends now as well.
That school developed the one that you can walk around, and the
image follows you and changes, moves…

The most famous and original holo is called The Kiss.  You may
have seen it.
The woman was quite young at the time, and she is blowing a kiss
to you as you move from one side to the other of this semi circle
of clear material mounted on the wall, that holds the imagery.

I wish I understood holos.  Jeff has tried to explain them to me,
but to no avail.  To me they are just magic, pure and simple.

Eileen is this magical little elfin person, a blond sprite brimming
over with energy and glee from just being alive.  She was the
protegee of Erte, the old queen artist world famous for costumes
and stage design, as well as fashion, in the thirties and forties.
She worked and trained with him for seven years.

Now she designs the most glorious sculptures that are reproduced
for large companies like Promax, MTV,  and others, for their awards ceremonies.
We’ve all seen the Oscars… no, she didn’t design these, but hers
are much like that, frequently female forms which she excels in,
and you can see Erte’s influence in all her work.  Lucky her!

She has been commissioned make both 2D and 3D objects d’Art
for many famous people and their estates, like the clear lucite
miniature “Lucile” guitar, a gift for BB King, and etched repros of
John Lennon sketches.  So many wonderful things,  I won’t go on.

So an expansive creative space for these two is rather essential!

I’m completely going Yes with all of my being, and Jeff loves it, but
he’s having trouble deciding.  Eileen is gone, he must make the call,
and there’s one big problem.
That gorgeous jungle out three sides of windows?  it’s filled with….
the infamous COQUI FROG!!.  Millions of them.

They started invading the big island years ago, and now have taken
over many places…so much so that it’s lowering the land values.
No Really… some people just freak out at the sound.
Personally, i think it’s quite clever of those little frogs…

See… they are tiny frogs (one inch) with very big voices, and
at night they hold major parties with wild abandon, dancing girls
and froggy orgies…!
Great for them, but their chirps are so loud, you’d never guess
their tiny size, and some people’s brains just get taken over
by their vibrational levels.

To me they sound like crickets… allbeit very Loud crickets…but
I can just put them in that category in my mind, and be done with it.
He’s just not sure She will be able to cope.  She’s sensitive…

He decides, we decide, and next day I help him move all their studios
into this magical place… done with it, and Eis will have to adjust, at
least until the next place.   Earplugs work…she loves ear plugs.

They like to move a lot, and because of their work they have so many connections with monied folks, and they end up house sitting 3/4 of
the time in amazing places.  They love change.  I think it inspires them.

Meanwhile, I am delighting in my little hippie house with dog and cat, landscaping work, helping the owner next door organize and clean,
and exploring the island a little.

Up in a town called Volcano, up top of the…. bet you guessed….
there has been built a tiny theater … the Ulua , named for a fish…
and the entire area around it is being brought back to its original
glory, with plantings and clearings.

Jason Scott Lee, famous for playing Bruce Lee, Mowgli in Jungle Book,
and The King on stage in NY in their the King and I production….
He has left Hollywood,  gone native, back to his roots, and built this
little theater, so now there’s this little energy center forming that
I find fascinating.
He’s focusing on natural farming and sustainable agriculture, all
around his property, and is seriously weary of the Hollywood scene.

There’s his first play opening soon, Burn This, and I plan to go.
Maybe Jeff and Eileen, and maybe this guy Steve, will go too…..

——————————————–

Go here if you want to know more  about the COQUIS!!!
and you can hear them too….

http://www.hawaiiancoqui.org/

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by

… time …

Weeks pass, the eternal summer of the tropics mending
illness and injury, cooling the mind, warming the soul.

The house woman decides to stay away a little longer,
and time
stretches out
before her
unmeasured,
allowing
the forgetting of
times and dates.

Only now.

Work presents itself, friends offer frolic, ancient jungle
rhythms mingle with the dailies, the sounds of the language
softening her mind’s workings.

Rain comes, then leaves, always at the right time.
Never too much, just enough to wash away the
dusty thoughts cluttering moments.

The perspective provided lends to balance and sanity,
allowing . . . . . . . . . . .   space. . . . .
space, that
… as with brilliant art or great jazz …
creates the other half of the whole.

Within her heart comes peace, a sense of the allness,
the rightness of everything.

Questions subside for now, and there is only being.

 

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by

… backing off …

Journal… tuesday, july 12-13th  2005

She thought about the difference between men and women…
cliche, right?  but maybe not.  Alike but different.
maybe same feelings, different actions…

And another thing… how much is men-women chemistry, how
much is cultural bias.  I mean, come on… born with a penis?
automatic member (no pun) of the boys’ club.

And that club has different rules.  Things may be changing here,
slowly, but let’s face it, men are really having a hard time with
change, and can you blame them?

They’re bigger, stronger, more agressive.  So right there they have
this advantage over women… and I know, I’m generalizing right
now, but yes, in general, and cross culturally, this is true.

Next come the double standards.  Why is is forgivable for men
to fuck around?  Are they called a slut?  no… they’re Men.
Men are just like that.

They can shut off their emotions, separate into sectional brain
of theirs, and just do what they want.  Part of that is because
they Know it will be alright in the long run, because…
….men just Do that.  Not to be taken seriously.

How many times have we heard that…. it meant nothing.
it was Just Sex.
Oh, nice… ok…. and how many have said that to someone
about ME?
It’s the pat answer, isn’t it.  Why?  Because Men Do That…

It’s like some urban myth.  Everyone’s heard it, and everyone
kind of believes it….
But know what…. I don’t buy it.  They may have impulses…
but they have the ability to control them.
They can stop and think, even with alcohol.

So in my opinion, whatever it’s worth… well…. you get the point.

Now she thought about him.  About how distant he’d been lately,
how moody and difficult to reach.  The mood swings were
becoming intolerable, and she was feeling taken for granted.

Being that that was number one on that list of Most Hated
Treatment, she made a clear decision with herself.  Back Off.
Be moody and hard to get, just like him.
The only way to know what’s really going on with him was
to not be there.

That ..”How can I miss you if you never leave?” sort of thing.

 

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